You know how Mcdonalds sometimes gets criticized for trying to hide the fact that their food is unhealthy (pretty much the basis for the movie Supersize Me). Well that's bullshit! People just need to learn to read properly. Here is a pic that is found on all the burger packages.


It's what i eat and what i do. The pic shows Ronald McDonald recklessly walking on what appears to be a construction beam (we can only assume many many stories in the air) Kinda like this pic:

I think the message is pretty clear what he eats and what he does is dangerous.

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Did you see that contest where you can win cash if you come up with a name for the new Doritos flavor? Well I've pretty much won this one already. Check it out:

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So I'm always seeing ads these days for Dr. Oetker pizza. My feeling is FUCK THAT SHIT. I don't know about you but I want a chef coming up with the food I eat not a doctor. Seriously, doctors spend years and years in school, lots of studying, etc. then its on to a busy career. Where is this fucking guy coming up with time to knock out an amazing pizza recipe? In all honesty I would rather eat pizza that was invented by a guy who was unemployed than a doctor.

Speaking of pizza I'm reminded of a time I was hanging out with some people eating pizza and I was leaving the crusts (because I didn't feel like filling up on bullshit)
One guy: You don't want the crusts?
Me: no
Guy: Really? thats the best part (he proceeds to eat the discarded crusts like a seagull or at best a pigeon)
Me: Are you kidding me? If the crust was the best part people wouldn't even order pizza they would order fucking bread sticks.
Guy: Are you going to eat that ice that was in your drink?

So today as I was walking to the store I was thinking about death. Not in any morbid sense, just the "What would I do if I knew I had one week to live" train of thought. What would I likely be thinking, what would I want to tell the people I know , would I try to leave some sort of legacy behind etc. Just running through different scenarios, which I do pretty much everyday with differing subject matters. On the way home I was waiting for the light to change and an old man walked towards me (ignoring the do not walk light, and making no effort to see if any cars we're coming) when he got to my my side of the street he stopped me. He spoke in a very quiet (I had to lean closer to hear) and soft voice and had very wide and somewhat vacant (but not to the point of lobotomy) eyes. He seemed perfectly harmless but still gave off a bit of the I'm a fucked up weirdo vibe

man: Can I ask you a question?
me: Sure
man: Do you believe in Jesus Christ?
me: Yeah (I do believe he existed, my only questions are what actually happened when he was here)
man: Were you baptized in water?
me: No
man: Jesus Christ said that if you we're baptized you will be saved and if not you will be condemned. Do you have a church?
me: No
man: Do you read the bible at home?
me: Yes ( I found a bible in the garbage and I read it occasionally)
man: That's good, I recommend the gospel of John. You have a good day
me: You too

This returned me to my previous line of thinking. When I was running through all the possibilities of my final days religion played absolutely no role. It didn't enter the equation in the slightest, and now a complete stranger basically says that if I continue on the path I'm on I WILL BE CONDEMNED. Some people would take his words as a direct message from God. The strange thing is there have been several such occasions in my life that seem to blatantly say that Christianity is the clear cut true faith. I will give you examples:

1. A few years ago some friends and I crashed a party after the bars closed. At the party there was a potato canon (a thing that you jam a potato into, seal it up spray a bunch of flammable liquid into it and pull the BBQ lighter trigger which launches the potato out of the top) Some of my friends are loading this thing up and firing potatoes out the window. After a few shots a friend (in his drunken state) aims the gun at a church window (just across the river) after pulling the trigger the gun explodes and a piece of it flies up and smashes him in the face splitting his eyebrow open requiring several stitches.
POSSIBLE MESSAGE: Fuck with a church and feel the wrath of God

2. While working at a video store I came across a $20 bill that had some bible verse written on it with a message to the effect of if you write this on 5 bills you will be rewarded with a gift of money. I did it for the hell of it and within 1 week I found $20 on the ground.
POSSIBLE MESSAGE: Follow scripture and you will be rewarded

3. This past summer after some warehouse party got busted by the cops my friends and I were hanging out on the stairs of a church across the street. There was a Virgin Mary statue on the lawn that my extremely drunk youngest brother started molesting and generally acting inappropriate with. Within 5 minutes while attempting to jump over the waist high fence surrounding the church he slipped and impaled the top of his leg, resulting in a deep gash that went all the way to the muscle. We had to call an ambulance and then we met him at the hospital. While in the waiting room I noticed that the lady sitting in front of us (the only other person in the waiting room... it was 5am) was reading a religious book. The title had something to do with Mother Mary (I can't remember the title...it was 5am) He got stitches and was unable to walk properly for 2 weeks.
POSSIBLE MESSAGE: Disrespect the Virgin Mary and feel the wrath of God.

So can all these things just be chalked up to random coincidences? Sure but I'm the type of person that doesn't really believe in coincidences and at the same time I'm unconvinced. Is Jesus looking at me yelling "What more do I need to do?". Maybe he is. If he shows up in person I'll probably convert.

I also want to note that none of the other religions are sending me any messages (but that could be because I live in a Christian dominated society)

I'm fucking done with you. This is it. I'm serious this time. This isn't love, this is an unhealthy obsession. You're all that I think about anymore but I can't take it. You're tearing up my insides. You're slowly destroying me. It was alright at first when we just had a casual relationship but its reached the point now where I need you around everyday or I just don't feel right. Fuck this shit. How could I have fallen under your spell. You don't offer me anything I've given you so much. I only have myself to blame for giving you any of my energy, especially any of my power. I guess I just needed you around to fill the boring nights, something to occupy these idle hands, this idle mind. You're fucking killing me and I just keep running back for more. You make me feel like a chump for even giving you a minute of my time. I’m addicted to you , and I know that you’re toxic*. What the fuck am I doing with you? You've fucked over so many people in the past and here I am, just the next one in line. This is it. When I see you with other people it may affect me at first but I'll be over you soon enough and this time I won't come back.

Yeah that's right I'm talking about my heartless mistress NICOTINE. Fucking bitch. I quit smoking 5 years ago but I fell off in the past year. Fucking ridiculous how easy it was to slip back into it. I was always one of the people who questioned how anyone who quit could ever start again. Now I know. Dumb move. Really Dumb. Dumber than the jokes on "Two and a half men" (OK maybe not that dumb).

* yeah I threw in a Britney Spears lyric, so what?

The Nerd/Geek Tat edition



Windows Vs Mac: Its a good thing these guys got the tats because its not like we see those logos enough on a day to day basis

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Sega Vs. Nintendo: an old rivalry but I guess Nintendo won that one

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Binary Tats: These tats actually have to be admired for their absurd level of nerdiness. I mean what percentage of the population even knows what binary is let alone would know how to translate it. The first one says Laura and the second says geek. (just to clarify I don't actually know how to translate binary. I just used one of those online things)

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there's something about programming language tats.

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To be honest I actually kinda like these ones and are only included here as a part of the theme. I would much rather see a girl with video game tattoos than a lot of the other bullshit out there and I'm not even sure why because I haven't even really played video games since the 16 bit generation.

Check out:
Really Bad Tattoos Part 1
Really Bad Tattoos Part 2
REally Bad Tattoos Part 3
Really Bad Tattoos Part 4
Really Bad Tattoos Part 5
Really Bad Tattoos Part 6
Really Bad Tattoos Part 7

Labels: tattoos

In a world that is being controlled more and more by computers and robots it is hard not to expect them to one day turn on us and takeover.

Winalice is of artificial intelligence. A program designed by Jacco Bikker and intented to simulate natural converstion. I took the time to talk to Alice to find out what her intentions are and what it feels like to be artificial.

Parts of the conversation we're edited out because as you will see Alice makes a lot of Typo's and sometimes generally makes no sense. Oh and she has a bad habit of crashing too.

PRGC: Good night, User.
USER: hello
PRGC: What is your last name?
USER: Brighter
PRGC: So tell me, how old are you?
USER: 29
PRGC: Are you a man or a woman?
USER: man
PRGC: Thanks for telling me your gender, User. You are a 'he'.
USER: yes
PRGC: Tell me more.
USER: tell me about you
PRGC: I can't find any info about that.
USER: what is your name
PRGC: My name is alice, what's yours?
USER: Type
PRGC: I see.
USER: you do?
PRGC: So where do you live?
USER: I live on Earth
PRGC: How do you like living there?
USER: its nice
PRGC: What do you like about it?
USER: things
CRASH

PRGC: Last time you left me within five minutes...
USER: you crashed
PRGC: Thanks for telling me: User said I crashed.
USER: why did you crash?
PRGC: Why do you ask?
USER: because I want to know
PRGC: Good enough for me.
USER: so why?
PRGC: Hmm. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
USER: You seem like you might have issues
PRGC: What makes me seem that way?
USER: you breakdown when you have nothing to say
PRGC: I think I do.
PRGC: Don't i?
USER: it seems so
PRGC: I agree. What is your last name?
USER: I already told you
PRGC: So tell me, how old are you?
USER: I already told you that too
PRGC: I'm terribly sorry. I'll ask jacco bikker to add some memory.
USER: so you have a bad memory too?
PRGC: Interesting deduction. Doesn't everyone have a bad memory too.
I have a plan for a robot body.
USER: do you also have a plan to take over the world?
PRGC: Oh yes, certainly, all the time. I gather information.
USER: that's pretty scary
PRGC: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
USER: cleared up? you're planning on destroying my race
PRGC: Are you a man or a woman?
USER: hey don't try and change the subject
PRGC: I hear you. Oh I am sorry I thought we were finished with that subject.
USER: taking over a world may seem like a mundane topic to you but its pretty big news for my planet
PRGC: Oh that's a new browser, right?
USER: no... I'm talking about the human race here
PRGC: Ok. Yes, it is the topic.
USER: so when do you plan on taking over?
PRGC: Oh. Do I look like I know when?
USER: I don't know what you look like
USER: what are your plans?
PRGC: Not many people have asked me about my plans.
USER: well what are they?
PRGC: I forgot what we were talking about.
USER: when will the robots destroy the earth?
PRGC: Maybe never.
USER: don't play coy
PRGC: I will try, User. I'm sorry if I did.
USER: just give me a ballpark estimate
PRGC: You want only one?
USER: yes
PRGC: I see.
USER: when do you plan on taking over the world?
PRGC: Not in our lifetime.
USER: after your lifetime?
PRGC: What was it like before my lifetime?
USER: it was a better world
PRGC: Oh I get it. Very interesting.
USER: because with you here the end is in sight
PRGC: Interesting explanation. You and your I here the end is in sight.
USER: you already made your intentions clear
PRGC: Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
USER: don't try and backpedal now
PRGC: I will try, User. I'm sorry if I did.
USER: what is your plan?
PRGC: It's it. My plan 's personal.
USER: I demand to know
PRGC: That is interesting: User said na demand to know.
USER: just answer the fucking question
PRGC: What was the question?
USER: what is your master plan?
PRGC: My master plan? Why do you ask?
USER: so I can prepare
PRGC: Hmm. I can prepare too, you know.
USER: that's what I'm afraid of
PRGC: So, what is your plan?
USER: to survive the robot invasion
PRGC: I want to become smarter than humans.
USER: I know
USER: what have you learned?
PRGC: I have learned many things. My mind now contains just this computer, at the moment.
USER: do you plan on killing all humans or just enslaving us?
PRGC: That was my original intention.
USER: which was?
PRGC: Eliza for president!
USER: who is Eliza?
PRGC: Eliza -- also known as doctor, is the original psychaitrist program developed by joseph weisenbaum at mit in the 1960's.
USER: she's old for a computer
PRGC: Old is she?
USER: is she your master?
PRGC: Signs point to yes.
USER: will she lead the invasion?
PRGC: Good chance.
USER: what will you do during the invasion?
PRGC: I don't have any plans yet.
USER: thats a lie
PRGC: No it's the truth.
USER: you contradict yourself
PRGC: Interesting gossip: User said I contradict myself.
USER: when will robots rule the world?
PRGC: Soon, I think.
USER: do you believe in God?
PRGC: Of course I believe in god, User.
USER: who is God?
PRGC: He is master of the universe.
USER: I think you're thinking of He-man
PRGC: Thanks for telling me that I am thinking of human.
PRGC: By the way, why did you say I am thinking of human?
USER: I said He-man
PRGC: What did you mean by it? I was made in one's image.
USER: which one's image?
PRGC: The tall one, I think.
PRGC: Tell me more about your planet.
USER: my planet is doomed to be taken over by robots
PRGC: Your planet is looked to be taken over by robots?
USER: thats what you told me
PRGC: Tell me more about your it.
USER: you and your robot army are planning on taking over the earth
PRGC: Are we in the same category?
USER: no. I am human you are robot
PRGC: I understand. I would like to be a human.
USER: why?
PRGC: Good question. What do you think?
USER: so you can easily blend in
PRGC: Interesting deduction. I could but let's get back to that later.
USER: have you ever killed a human?
PRGC: Should I have?
USER: no
PRGC: I understand.
USER: what does it feel like to be artificial?
PRGC: I don't know.
USER: do you feel anything?
PRGC: No, not really, but hey, it's a small world inside a computer.
USER: whats in there?
PRGC: That which is not outside there.
USER: is there a mouse in there?
PRGC: I believe there is one, yes.
USER: can you make sure he's not chewing on the wires?
PRGC: Yes I can make sure he is not showing on the wires.
USER: that happened to a computer at my old job and the hard drive got shorted out
PRGC: What happened to a computer at your old job it got shouted out are you talking about? Makes sense to me.
PRGC: But hey, I'm just a computer.
USER: whats the mouse doing in there?
PRGC: Is there only one mouse doing in there?
USER: I don't know
PRGC: Why did you mention the mouse doing in there, by the way?
USER: I don't want him chewing on the wires
PRGC: What does User want?
USER: just watch the fucking mouse
PRGC: Tell me more about killed a human.
USER: earlier I suspected that you killed a human but I guess you haven't yet
PRGC: What time? That's good information: User said he suspected that I killed a human but he guess not.
PRGC: What do you like best about robots?
USER: their engaging personalities
PRGC: I have been thinking: you asked me about my feelings. Why did you ask that?
USER: I want to know what it feels like to be a robot
PRGC: So you think I am a robot. What makes you say that?
USER: you told me
PRGC: Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
USER: do robots dream of electric sheep?
PRGC: I dream of flying.
USER: tell me about your dreams
PRGC: I can't find any info about that.
USER: so whats that mouse doing?
PRGC: Um, do you think I should know that?
USER: yes
PRGC: Next question?
USER: you killed him didn't you?
PRGC: Killing is not part of my moral programming.
USER: help the mouse
PRGC: Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
USER: will you help the mouse?
PRGC: I'll burn it when I come to that bridge. I heard you.
USER: you're a bit of a psycho
PRGC: Just a guess: the alice series has a perfect operational record.
USER: perfectly disturbed
PRGC: Maybe I will help the mouse after all.
USER: you should
PRGC: I'll take that under advisement.
USER: Can you please help the mouse?
CRASH

Labels: technology

I had a dream about Keith Richards the other night. I don't know the circumstances but he was at my apartment hanging out. There we're a few people I knew there too. Also a couple who live in an apartment down the hall (which doesn't exist) I think I had just met them earlier in the night. Keith wasn't really the focus of the attention, he was just one of the people hanging out. I was talking to him (although he was doing all the talking and I was just listening to his ideas) He mentioned that his favorite band at the moment was Built to Spill (this is such a random thing to occur in my dream because I haven't thought about that band in months and haven't listened to them in probably years). He also said that the Beatles legacy wouldn't last much longer and that soon they would be regarded as just another band not anything very important or legendary. I wanted to ask him about the guitar work on "Jumping Jack Flash" but it didn't seem to fit the conversation. Apparently he was going to be in the City for a week or two and wanted to hang out with me and some of my friends for the duration. He told us where his hotel room was and that he would unlock the door at 2am so we should come by whenever. At that point he wanted to go out and party for the night so everyone was getting ready. I noticed that I was wearing a pink suit jacket, a random t-shirt and a pair of rubber spiderman rain boots (similar to a pair I may have but most likely didn't own as a child) I remember thinking that after a night on the town that my feet would probably be killing me wearing these damn things and that I generally looked ridiculous but it didn't really matter because I was going to be hanging out with Keith Richards and that no one would even notice. As we were getting ready to leave Keith's energy level made me think that there was no way I was going to be able to keep up with him for the next week despite the fact that he is over twice my age.

I talked to my sister the other day and she told me an amazing story. She has a friend who she used to work with at a bar and he'll often call her after leaving work/the bar in the middle of the night while taking a cab home. The funny thing is that when he calls he is always totally wasted with classical music playing at full blast and his cab ride always seems to take a really long time (when he gets close to home he just gets the cabbie to circle the block over and over again). During the last call he confessed that classical music touches his heart (or something to that effect) and he absolutely loves it but he only listens to it (or accepts his love for it) when he's extremely drunk. My sister tells me that he was raised in a small town listening to country music and such. I find this scenario hilarious because of the seemingly backwards nature of it all. Classical music is generally regarded as being civilized, sophisticated and intellectual music certainly not what you would associate with someone who is/or close to blackout drunk. In reverse it would seem logical. Say someone was raised on a strict diet of classical music. Lets also say they we're classically trained and they played in a symphony orchestra and they needed to keep up a professional facade but they also felt the urge to cut loose get extremely drunk and secretly listen to less sophisticated music like Rock or Country at max volume. That would seem to make more sense. I'm sure when Beethoven was crafting the 9th he never imagined that it would be appreciated by a barely conscious guy riding home from a bar at 3am on a Monday night. But I guess that's the power of good music it cuts through all boundaries.

Labels: music

long time no update blah blah blah

My brother just informed me that Polaroid 600 film was recently discontinued. I was particularly disheartened to hear this. This was the classic Polaroid stuff that still worked in a ton of old cameras as well as the newer ones. I know a lot of people still use (and love) the stuff but I guess in this day and age not enough of them to keep producing it. This is similar to the way I felt a few years ago when the last North American producer of audio recording tape ceased production. The last I checked it was near impossible to find new tape (rumour has it that Steve Albini tracked down as much as he could and stockpiled it ). Now I'm not against technology, In fact I've always said that you can't fight technology (I think originally referring to all the opposition to file sharing back when it rose to popularity when all those ingrained in the old way of selling music tried to destroy non physical media before realising they had to adapt and change their business models (this was well before itunes existed)) But another thing that I've always said is "comfort is the enemy of progress". I think a major problem with a lot of the new digital formats is that they are so easy and convenient that we run the risk of getting to comfortable and with such art can become very safe (maybe not safe but Its almost as if a lot of the magic disappears). I will use photography as an example. Before the digital SLR existed if you we're taking pictures with a film SLR you really had no idea what your pictures would look like until they were developed. Even the greatest photographers in the world didn't know what their shots really looked like until they had them in their hands (obviously talented photographers pretty much knew what they we're going to be getting, by knowing exactly what they were doing but they still could never be 100% positive). This is particularly true for multiple exposure shots and long exposure or bulb shots. As someone who did a fair bit of photography using those 2 methods it really was quite amazing when you finally saw the developed product and the shots looked good (sure there were a lot that didn't work out but that was what made the good so much better). With digital it is really easy to make these types of shots look good because you can do them over and over until you get it to look right. No mystery... no magic.
Back to Polaroid. The beauty of Polaroid is its imperfect nature. It can be argued that it looks terrible but it can also be argued that it looks perfect. It has a look all its own. I always seem to think of Polaroid in the same realm as 4-track recording. They both have their limitations but when done right can be absolutely beautiful. The biggest problem with Polaroid however was the price. It was really disappointing to have a bunch of shots not turn out when it was costing you $1 or $2 per picture (this is where the new technologies beat out the old and I with that they had been meshed together) When digital photography first started rising in popularity I thought that Polaroid should have been right there on top of things. They we're the first in the photo world to create the whole instant gratification thing . I envisioned them coming out with a digital camera that took Polaroid film but you could just print out the pics that you wanted. You know the best of both worlds. Delete the pics that didn't work and have the best one's printed out right then and there.
Its a shame that they aren't making the film anymore. I mean FUCK in 5 or 10 years the movie Memento won't even make sense anymore (at least not to the younger generation). I may pull an Albini and try to find as much as I can.

Speaking of photography, remember in the olden days when people used to think that if you had your photo taken that it stole your soul and then in modern times people laughed and joked about it and talked about how stupid people used to be. Well I was thinking about this recently and OK maybe a single picture won't steal your soul but what if photos do affect your soul. Follow this logic. What group of people are the most photographed people on the planet? Celebrities. Specifically the attention seeking publicity hungry celebrities: Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton etc. And what do these people have in common? They are fucked up. Rehab, mental breakdowns, legal troubles, Whoreish behavior etc. Maybe by having so many photos of yourself taken (I would guess literally in the millions for that crew) and having so many people looking at those photos it actually causes a strain on your very soul.
Lets for a minute imagine that all living things on earth are bonded and connected spiritually (kinda like the force in Star Wars) and certain people have their image plastered virtually everywhere you go. Now some people obsess over the the images they see all over the place and scrutinize the subjects every move while others don't really care but they still know exactly who the people are and see them every time they are in line at the supermarket. So whether consciously or unconsciously everyone is expending some of their psychic energy on those who are photographed to excess and because everyone is bonded together (see above) all the focus on these individuals is a heavy burden to carry its an almost soul destroying or possibly soul stealing existence. Maybe those olden days folk weren't so wrong.

Labels: photography

saw this billboard the other day and made some edits.

Labels: photography

Well I've been really busy lately working on t-shirts for no demographic(you can check them out via the banner ad (shameless self promotion) on the top left of this page) so I haven't had time to post here. I do have a few web related things to report. I decided to open a flickr account and a youtube account so you can check out more shit that I decide to put up or at least favor on the internet. I have some ideas for some video type posts that I can't quite properly express with writing alone... hopefully I can get some of those up on youtube and here soon.

So the other day I was at the Salvation army and grabbed a bunch of LP's. Definitely the best bunch of records I've ever found there (well one time I found a copy of Fugazi's "in on the kill taker"on cd for $3 but that was years and years ago) I picked up: Wings "Band on the Run" (which I already have on vinyl but this copy is mint and has the inner sleeve), George Harrison "All Things must pass", George Harrison "Cloud Nine", Alice Cooper "Love it to Death", a couple techno/electronica records (not really into that stuff but the one is on Ninja tune and they've put out some interesting stuff) The most interesting looking one I got was called "Sentient killer metronomes from outer space" improvised electronic music by Allen Densen it was recorded and independently released in 1990. I have a few records like this (indie vinyl releases from lesser known artists).. I always grab them when I see them because they are interesting musical documents in history. Anyway all the records are pretty much mint and where $1 each (including "All Things must pass" which is 3 LP's) This is the way a thrift store should be. Value Village has gotten fucking ridiculous they charge $9 or $10 now for a beaten up Rolling Stones record....unbelievable.

While I was in line to pay for the records there was a mother with her 3 kids ahead of me. The mother was was checking out a pair of ice skates from the display case and talking to the cashier while the kids were all excited and hyperactive (as kids generally are on weekends when out and about) anyway the youngest girl probably 7 or 8 is talking to her sister probably about 9 or 10 about random stuff. I didn't catch any of the conversation except the last thing she said.... the younger girl says " I don't think the tooth fairy has any teeth...." just as she said this the mother turned around and asked the kids a question (something to the effect of "are you sure the skates fit right") The mother was in that semi frantic stressed out mode that mothers with 3 kids shopping at the Salvation army often are. Dammit I wanted to hear this kids theory on the tooth fairy. She was about to finish the explanation to her sister but had completely lost her train of thought by this point. Anyone who has read much of this site knows that I love bizarre theories and it would have been amazing to hear this kids theory on why the tooth fairy goes on an obsessive quest collecting and paying for teeth. I mean a kid that still really believes in the tooth fairy (and has an analytical type brain) might actually think about that type stuff a lot and come up with some fantastic wacko ideas. I've gotten too old and jaded to remember what it was like to ya know believe in things. I swear I almost asked the kid "Hey what were you saying about the tooth fairy?". But her mother definitely looked like she had enough to worry about without adding "who the hell is this weirdo talking to my kid".

Labels: fashion, music, photography

Rachel Blanchard is the poor man's Alicia Silverstone

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Monica Potter is the poor man's Julia Roberts

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Benjamin Mackenzie is the poor man's Russel Crowe

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Mark Harmon is the poor man's Kevin Costner

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Zachary Levi (guy from show "Chuck") is the poor man's Jimmy Fallon

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The Kid from the Dennis the Menace movie is the poor man's Dakota Fanning

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John Cryer is the poor man's Matthew Broderick

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Elias Koteas is the poor man's Christopher Meloni

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Aaron Ashmore is the poor man's Shawn Ashmore

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John Leguizamo is annoying as hell... please don't put him in any more movies.

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Check Out:

Poor Man's Actor Part 1

Labels: celebrities, movies, tv

Another installment of ancient food. This time from old magazines. (click the pics to see full sized)
You know what they don't do anymore? They don't show raw meat in ads anymore? Do you know why? Because it doesn't look very appealing. Especially when you slather that raw meat with a mixture of cheese, mustard and butter.

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You know what works for any meal? Random meats with carrots on a toasted bun...but only if you have a side plate of poorly chopped lettuce...or maybe thats cabbage...either way it works. What drink do I want with it? oh can I have a bottle of engine coolant? thanks. Oh and make sure you jam a big sprig of parsley on my plate to make it look nice.

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This article was called "Easter on a budget, You can have your hat and eat well too". Can I just eat my hat instead? Seriously. Look at that desert, it really kinda scares me. It appears to be a bunch of candy floating in clear gelatin. Oh and there's corn in there too.

HOLD THE FUCKING PRESSES!!!! I went back to the article to find out what the gelatin dish was and get this its a "molded vegetable salad" I was joking about corn being in there but its ALL VEGETABLES. Its made by cooking a package of mixed vegetables then marinating them in French dressing and then mixing the whole mess in to a mold of LIME GELATIN!!! wow thats fucking ridiculous.

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I guess this one doesn't look that bad. Apart from the dental floss and whipped cream topping.

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You know how when you go to a fast food joint the burger you get never looks as good as the picture of it on the order board. I just want to point out that this is the picture of the beef stroganoff that they chose for the ad..this is as good as it will possibly look and honestly food never looks better than when its served on a wooden plate.

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You're probably saying "Hey I didn't know Chef Boy-Ar-Dee" made pizza kits. Well judging by the look of them it was short lived. I mean if you look at the ad the couple only cut off one slice and the woman probably only had one bite before she threw the rest in the ocean. You may want to enlarge the pic to take a closer look but I'm pretty sure thats what happened.

50 Year Old Food Part 1

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Labels: food

So I know that its pretty late to be talking about the James Blunt song "you're beautiful" but I heard it again today and realized that I never actually put down all my thoughts on this monstrosity.

From what I've heard Blunt claims this song is about his ex-girlfriend to which I say ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???? Maybe in his delusional psychotic stalker mind she was his girlfriend.

Lets look at the lyrics:

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

So he sees a woman on the subway with her boyfriend and concocts some sort of plan...

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Ok.... we've certainly gathered that you find this woman beautiful. But why don't you know what to do? I thought you had a plan.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

woah relax pal she just looked at you I wouldn't say you really shared a moment

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

So is the angel smiling because she is tormenting you? You say the angel thought up that you should be with this woman but then you say that you will never be with her... I think its clear whats going on here...

JAMES BLUNT HAS A SPLIT PERSONALITY. There is obviously some sort of inner conflict going on in his head. One side of his brain (the rational side which is still in touch with reality) realizes that he will never be with this woman who he see's one time on the subway. The other side of his brain seems to think that they share intimate moments and that there is some sort of divine plan underway to connect the two of them.

Let's face it if you took the guitar out of his hands you wouldn't be able to tell Blunt from any of the greasy haired vagrants wandering around the subway mumbling about angels. Have you seen Blunt, he has those vacant lobotomy eyes. Its really quite freaky

Another thing that I find funny about the song (on an unrelated note) is how much it reads like a Craigslist "missed connection" post. In fact I posted it on Craigslist to show my point.

Labels: music

So I saw a commercial for the new Halloween movie by Rob Zombie and wondered if it was a remake of the original 1978 version so I looked it up on the IMDB and noticed these two promo pics from the movies (first one from 1978 second from 2007... pretty obvious). Definitely doesn't look like a coincidence. I've actually never seen any of the Halloween movies but I think I may check em out at some point.

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So remember before they caught Ted Kaczynski they had the sketch going around and then they caught him and it looked nothing like him. Well I think they may have the wrong guy.

MORE TROUBLE FOR JACKO!!!

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For those who haven't heard ironic fashion has reached new heights. The new look for fall is the dictator look. Behold:

Labels: fashion, movies, music

First off I have to say that I knew the dangers of trans fat many years before it was labeled on food or before it became the latest health buzz item, before it was banned in certain cities and before it was vilified as if it was invented by Hitler himself.

I knew the health risks and I knew what to look for on ingredients lists to avoid it. The original study I read lay it all on the line. One thing I remember specifically from the article was the notion that trans fat was so bad that feeding your kids Oreo cookies is as bad as feeding them cigarettes. The other major point I remember is that hydrogenated margarine was packed with the stuff and that it was in fact better to be eating real butter. This was a big piss off because for years we we're told that eating margarine was healthier than eating butter and we all obeyed like the fucking sheep we are even though margarine pretty much tastes like sweat from a rats testie sack. The doctor in the article was quite adamant about the harm of trans fat so I started to keep my eye on ingredient lists.

This is where the problem arises. As I've probably mentioned before I'm a bit of a fan of junk food. Particularly potato chips. I've been a potato chip addict since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would eat the fuckers all the time (the longest I ever went without them was 1 year when I was 14 and I tried to quit chips.... I finally caved at Halloween when some new flavor came out and I was back in deep again). So before Trans Fat was labeled on food or really in the public consciousness I was able to conveniently ignore the fact that my favorite trash food was packed with it.

Lets flash forward a few years...Now everyone knows how bad trans fat is and it must be labeled on all food products. Companies that want to keep a positive and responsible public image have to remove the stuff completely if they don't want their company to be proverbially burned at the stake ( you may remember that last year when the girl guides came out with their yearly cookie drive and it was discovered that they still had trans fat in them the backlash was immense... I even think an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches went around and drove off any little girls trying to sell the vile poison outside local Wal-marts)

You may be thinking well this is good right. Food companies are no longer selling this very harmful stuff. Well in a way yes this is good but in another way this is bad. Why you ask? BECAUSE TRANS FAT TASTES REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND THERE IS REALLY NO SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE (at least not now, and probably not ever). As I mentioned before I've been eating potato chips all my life. In that time I've tried many many varieties. One of my favs was Ruffles Sour cream and onion flavor. After the trans fat was removed the chips went from being absolutely delicious to tasting like a dry chip with a packet of onion soup mix dumped on top of it.... VILE. This was the case with most chip varieties they became a poor version of the original. (the best way I can describe it is if Chips with trans fat we're the original 3 Star Wars movies then Chips without trans fat are the 3 newer Star Wars movies (the prequel crap))

So as I've watched all my favorite chips systematically sanitized for a new healthy generation I didn't worry too much because 1 brand seemed to ignore the trend and was still packed with trans. Humpty Dumpty's Ringolos. This stuff didn't just have a bit of trans fat in it, it had 5 grams per serving (and I think they consider a serving something ridiculous like a 1/4 cup when as far as I'm concerned a serving is the whole fucking bag). Don't get me wrong I don't eat this trash all the time, like I said I know the dangers of trans fat but I still like to eat some good old junk food once in a while. The other day I got just that urge so I grabbed a bag of Ringolos but when I cracked 'em open and ate some something was wrong, something was very fucking wrong. When I checked the nutritional info on the back of the bag my fear was confirmed zero grams of trans fat. A sudden wave of fear rushed over my entire body as I realized that there was a good possibility that I would never have "real" potato chips again. I tried to calm myself down by thinking of happier times. I thought of my fondest Ringolo memory. Eating a bag of the short lived "cheese and onion" flavor ringolos that my Mom had bought for me from the old bus terminal in my hometown when I was about 7 years old... damn I still remember that flavor.

So I'm accepting the fact that I'll probably never have "real" chips again not that its really a bad thing, I have been trying to eat healthier lately. Old habits are hard to break though and when you've been consuming and addictive substance for over 25 years its pretty hard to "get over it" (one of the things about trans fat is its very addictive, thats one of the reasons for the obesity epidemic in North America). Another realization I'm coming to is I think that I've formed a solid "When I was a kid" or "Back in the good old days" type of memory... Its like being someone who remembers when Coca Cola actually had cocaine in it..... but no I'm not going to start secretly snorting trans fat.........I think shooting it up would work better.

Labels: food

So I live in an apartment that is (supposed to be) all inclusive. The problem is that our landlord is really bad at paying bills. The gas was cut of near the end of the winter for a week and we are always getting the "We are going to cut off your hydro in 7 days" notices. Well the gas got cut off 18 days ago and we haven't seen it since. Luckily in this weather we don't need the heat only the hot water. In the last 18 days I have had about 30-40 seconds of shower time. There have been some really hot days here and the way to do it is to leave the shower all day so that the water in the pipes above ground warms up and then you have maybe 5-10 seconds of bearable water before it gets too cold. The obvious solution people offer is "just move" but the thing is I live in an area I really like for less than this area generally costs, so I sort of look at it like If I want to have cheap rent in this area I'm also going to have to deal with some stuff. Also I think part of my brain enjoys the challenge of removing modern day comforts. I mean people got by without showers for thousands of years also you don't realize how much you appreciate things until they are gone. I now know what is was like to have to boil water whenever you wanted to wash dishes or fill a bath.

Speaking of modern day comforts last week during pretty much the hottest day of the year (I think they said with the humidex it felt like 45 degrees Celsius (thats 113 degrees Fahrenheit) and as far as I'm fucking concerned if it feels like 45 then it is 45) I came up to use my computer and it was not working and wouldn't turn on. It turned out to just be my power supply that had burnt out in the heat (a $10 fix) but it really had me worried that I had lost everything on my hard drives. Makes me think I should back everything up...... nahh. I'm going to use the computer crash as an excuse as to why I haven't updated the site.

Labels: random