Another installment of ancient food. This time from old magazines. (click the pics to see full sized)
You know what they don't do anymore? They don't show raw meat in ads anymore? Do you know why? Because it doesn't look very appealing. Especially when you slather that raw meat with a mixture of cheese, mustard and butter.

---

You know what works for any meal? Random meats with carrots on a toasted bun...but only if you have a side plate of poorly chopped lettuce...or maybe thats cabbage...either way it works. What drink do I want with it? oh can I have a bottle of engine coolant? thanks. Oh and make sure you jam a big sprig of parsley on my plate to make it look nice.

---

This article was called "Easter on a budget, You can have your hat and eat well too". Can I just eat my hat instead? Seriously. Look at that desert, it really kinda scares me. It appears to be a bunch of candy floating in clear gelatin. Oh and there's corn in there too.

HOLD THE FUCKING PRESSES!!!! I went back to the article to find out what the gelatin dish was and get this its a "molded vegetable salad" I was joking about corn being in there but its ALL VEGETABLES. Its made by cooking a package of mixed vegetables then marinating them in French dressing and then mixing the whole mess in to a mold of LIME GELATIN!!! wow thats fucking ridiculous.

---

I guess this one doesn't look that bad. Apart from the dental floss and whipped cream topping.

---

You know how when you go to a fast food joint the burger you get never looks as good as the picture of it on the order board. I just want to point out that this is the picture of the beef stroganoff that they chose for the ad..this is as good as it will possibly look and honestly food never looks better than when its served on a wooden plate.

---

You're probably saying "Hey I didn't know Chef Boy-Ar-Dee" made pizza kits. Well judging by the look of them it was short lived. I mean if you look at the ad the couple only cut off one slice and the woman probably only had one bite before she threw the rest in the ocean. You may want to enlarge the pic to take a closer look but I'm pretty sure thats what happened.

50 Year Old Food Part 1

---

Are you interested in learning more about staying healthy? Food and nutrition are an important aspect of being healthy. Do you know about your food groups? If you want to learn more about how to eat healthy, start by learning your food groups and what you should eat. Do you have group health insurance? Health insurnace will also ensure you a long and healthy life!

Labels: food

First off I have to say that I knew the dangers of trans fat many years before it was labeled on food or before it became the latest health buzz item, before it was banned in certain cities and before it was vilified as if it was invented by Hitler himself.

I knew the health risks and I knew what to look for on ingredients lists to avoid it. The original study I read lay it all on the line. One thing I remember specifically from the article was the notion that trans fat was so bad that feeding your kids Oreo cookies is as bad as feeding them cigarettes. The other major point I remember is that hydrogenated margarine was packed with the stuff and that it was in fact better to be eating real butter. This was a big piss off because for years we we're told that eating margarine was healthier than eating butter and we all obeyed like the fucking sheep we are even though margarine pretty much tastes like sweat from a rats testie sack. The doctor in the article was quite adamant about the harm of trans fat so I started to keep my eye on ingredient lists.

This is where the problem arises. As I've probably mentioned before I'm a bit of a fan of junk food. Particularly potato chips. I've been a potato chip addict since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would eat the fuckers all the time (the longest I ever went without them was 1 year when I was 14 and I tried to quit chips.... I finally caved at Halloween when some new flavor came out and I was back in deep again). So before Trans Fat was labeled on food or really in the public consciousness I was able to conveniently ignore the fact that my favorite trash food was packed with it.

Lets flash forward a few years...Now everyone knows how bad trans fat is and it must be labeled on all food products. Companies that want to keep a positive and responsible public image have to remove the stuff completely if they don't want their company to be proverbially burned at the stake ( you may remember that last year when the girl guides came out with their yearly cookie drive and it was discovered that they still had trans fat in them the backlash was immense... I even think an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches went around and drove off any little girls trying to sell the vile poison outside local Wal-marts)

You may be thinking well this is good right. Food companies are no longer selling this very harmful stuff. Well in a way yes this is good but in another way this is bad. Why you ask? BECAUSE TRANS FAT TASTES REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND THERE IS REALLY NO SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE (at least not now, and probably not ever). As I mentioned before I've been eating potato chips all my life. In that time I've tried many many varieties. One of my favs was Ruffles Sour cream and onion flavor. After the trans fat was removed the chips went from being absolutely delicious to tasting like a dry chip with a packet of onion soup mix dumped on top of it.... VILE. This was the case with most chip varieties they became a poor version of the original. (the best way I can describe it is if Chips with trans fat we're the original 3 Star Wars movies then Chips without trans fat are the 3 newer Star Wars movies (the prequel crap))

So as I've watched all my favorite chips systematically sanitized for a new healthy generation I didn't worry too much because 1 brand seemed to ignore the trend and was still packed with trans. Humpty Dumpty's Ringolos. This stuff didn't just have a bit of trans fat in it, it had 5 grams per serving (and I think they consider a serving something ridiculous like a 1/4 cup when as far as I'm concerned a serving is the whole fucking bag). Don't get me wrong I don't eat this trash all the time, like I said I know the dangers of trans fat but I still like to eat some good old junk food once in a while. The other day I got just that urge so I grabbed a bag of Ringolos but when I cracked 'em open and ate some something was wrong, something was very fucking wrong. When I checked the nutritional info on the back of the bag my fear was confirmed zero grams of trans fat. A sudden wave of fear rushed over my entire body as I realized that there was a good possibility that I would never have "real" potato chips again. I tried to calm myself down by thinking of happier times. I thought of my fondest Ringolo memory. Eating a bag of the short lived "cheese and onion" flavor ringolos that my Mom had bought for me from the old bus terminal in my hometown when I was about 7 years old... damn I still remember that flavor.

So I'm accepting the fact that I'll probably never have "real" chips again not that its really a bad thing, I have been trying to eat healthier lately. Old habits are hard to break though and when you've been consuming and addictive substance for over 25 years its pretty hard to "get over it" (one of the things about trans fat is its very addictive, thats one of the reasons for the obesity epidemic in North America). Another realization I'm coming to is I think that I've formed a solid "When I was a kid" or "Back in the good old days" type of memory... Its like being someone who remembers when Coca Cola actually had cocaine in it..... but no I'm not going to start secretly snorting trans fat.........I think shooting it up would work better.

Labels: food

I've mentioned before that you can't get Count Chocula around here anymore so I was surprised to learn that Lucky Charms are now available in Chocolate. Which lets face it is the exact same fucking thing as count chocula. I also figured that if I was going to be putting this shit into my body I might as well take it to the next level and make it with chocolate milk.

Oh yeah the Leprachaun may be in the running as the "Cereal Serial Killer" I mean maybe he "took care of" the count to get his chocolate recipe.







I should add that I'm 20 years too old to be eating shit like this and I always feel ill by injesting this amount of sugar, but I kinda promised myself when I was 8 years old that when I was an adult and had money to do these ridiculous things that I actually would. Its too bad that younger version of me doesn't know the toll this stuff has on my system. Oh well a deals a deal and I really should honor my end of the bargain.

Labels: food

I want to talk about ketchup chips for a moment. In the food world Ketchup chips are quiet anomalous as they are two degrees of simulation. Ketchup is a simulated tomato sauce product and ketchup chips are simulated ketchup flavor. I've always believed that if we moved to three degrees of simulation the world would instantly implode. So if there's any food scientists out there working on a product that is simulated ketchup potato chip flavor please stop now and save us all.

The strangest thing about it is to imagine how far away the potato chip ketchup seasoning is from a tomato growing in a field (or on a vine??? I don't know how the hell it grows (which kinda proves my point about how disconnected we are from our food)). Its not even close. Ketchup doesn't taste anything like a tomato and ketchup chips barely taste like ketchup.

Why all this talk about ketchup chips? Well I recently started eating them again after spending 8 years avoiding them. Why avoid them? You may ask (despite the fairly obviousl reason I mentioned earlier)

let me tell the tale:
The year was 1998 and I worked a job that ended at 11pm, naturally I would stay up all night and sleep all day. One average day at about 2am I was hungry so I went to the 24hr supermarket to buy food. I bought 1 bag of ketchup chips, 1 bottle of cherry coke and most important 1 sub sandwich from the deli counter fridge that had been reduced to clear because it had reached its expiry date. When I say it reached its expiry date I don't mean that at the stroke of midnight (2 hours earlier) it had expired I mean that it had past its prime the day earlier at probably 8am, which is also most likely when it was slapped with the reduced to clear sticker. I figured what the fuck I save $1 (I was 20 at the time and a lot more hapless, nowadays I'm pretty fucking neurotic about food probably due in large part to experiences like this one). Anyway I went home to eat my food. The sub had reached the point where the bread was really soggy from the moisture of the lettuce and tomato and mayo and all the flavors of the thing had sort of melded into one another so each individual item of the sandwich tasted exactly the same and generally had the exact same texture. Seriously, I probably would have failed a blind taste test trying to guess what was a tomato, an onion or a slice of ham. But I ate it anyway along with the ketchup chips and cherry coke. It didn't take too long before I realized that it wasn't sitting well and so it all came back out. Now if you think that those food items seem like a disgusting combination to eat just imagine what they're like on the return voyage.

Why quit eating ketchup chips for so long because of this? I believe that we have some inherent instinct in us to avoid foods that make us sick. I often think about the thousands of years of trial and error that we (as a race) must have gone through discovering what could and couldn't be eaten. Fuck we even know down to which herbs and spices are edible so obviously there was a hell of a lot of experimentation going on. Even if you don't believe in evolution I don't think you can deny this. Its not as if God held a banquet and laid out all the plants on earth and said "these one's are edible and these ones are poisonous". Well in Genesis he first says "You may freely eat of every tree of the garden;" (minus the knowledge one of course) but then when we (mankind) get banished from Eden he says "cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you; and you shall eat the plants of the field." Maybe by the thorns and thistles he was saying that some of the shit out there will make you sick. Who knows. Anyway we obviously developed defenses over time to protect ourselves from the things we ingested. When we smell something that is rancid or rotten we instinctively know that it is bad its not as though we have been taught that. I don't remember the class in school when they taught us that a rose is a good scent and rotting meat is bad.

So that's the deal and now I'm sitting here eating ketchup chips with a glass of coke (not cherry coke, I wont touch that shit).

Labels: food

Lately I've had some encounters with some pretty down and out creatures. To start off a few weeks ago I walked to the store for some late night groceries and on the way came face to face with 2 sknunks who seemed to be fighting each other (or loving each other) either way I figured they might be about to go off if I was anywhere near, so I got the hell out of there. If that wasn't strange enough when I got home I noticed the next door neighbor cat sitting on my porch looking extremely interested at what was going on in the kitchen. I looked in the window to see a bat flying around the house. The bat catching story is a long one but lets just say that after 2 hours he was outside again.

Unrelated to that today I was eating some leftover pizza which had been ordered a few days earlier and had been in the fridge and three quarters into the second slice I noticed something strange. The slice had 2 separate clusters of little white things on it. It looked strange so I looked at the remaining slices to see if it was some kind of spice that had been put on the whole pizza but it only appeared on the slice I had in my hand. Upon closer inspection the clusters where little bunches of maggots. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess when the pizza had been sitting out after it had been ordered a fly had laid some eggs on it. TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to food cleanliness and such so I hate shit like that, especially not knowing if I had actually eaten a bunch of them without knowing.

My Mom told me that in the native American world that when animals appear in your life they are there to teach you something and that each one symbolizes something that is supposed to be a lesson, well I looked up the skunk and the bat to find out what they were supposed to mean but I cant for the life of me find out what a fucking maggot teaches you when you (most likely) ingest it. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: food

- green olives really are the poor mans black olives. Seriously!

- 2 of the greatest 1980's punk records ever are Operation Ivy: Energy & Hectic and Minor Threat: Complete Discography. Both are each bands complete discography. LEGENDARY!

- Rosemary is an interesting herb, I haven't really decided if I love it or not, it works on some things but I just had it on a foccacia pizza type thing and I'm not sure.

- I saw an episode to Iron Chef America the other day and the secret ingredient was bison. Several times it was referred to as having a "gamey" taste to it. I don't really know what "gamey" meat tastes like but I find the whole concept hilarious.

- "Date Movie" is insulting to the human race and I'll even go as far as to say that it (and things like it) make us devolve as a society. (When I say its insulting to the human race I don't mean its insulting in the way that "Wonder Showzen" is subversive yet clever, and hilarious.)

-The other day I ordered a decaf coffee and the girl gave me a regular coffee (I saw her pour it from the regular pot, I don't think they had any decaf brewed) She knew she gave me regular and I knew she gave me regular but I don't think she knew I knew. So anyway I went back a few days later and ordered another decaf from the same girl and looked her straight in the eye and said make sure its decaf, I have a heart condition and I just got out of the hospital... again. The look on her face was priceless.

-You know you can't get Count Chocula here anymore, the least healthy shit you can get is Lucky Charms and that's hardly even that bad. When I was a kid they had that cereal that was just mini chocolate cookies... Cookie Crisp I think.

Labels: food, movies, music, tv

I've been posting a lot about food lately but after I made this sandwich I had to take a picture of it and share it with the world. Why? Because its a fucking work of art. Michelangelo never made a fucking sandwich like this (well he may have, but I imagine when he packed his lunch each day and went off to paint the Sistine chapel it was a lot less elaborate).

Here's what its got from the bottom up:
mustard
smoked turkey
melted 5 year old cheddar
sauteed red peppers
sauteed green peppers
sauteed portabella mushrooms
English cucumber
hot house tomatoes
romaine lettuce
mayonnaise
on toasted ciabatta loaf

fuck yeah.

actually it was only an average sandwich.

Labels: food

So I picked up a few mini cookbooks the other day. They were all published in the fifties. Oh what a glorious era. Here are a few pics.

I don't know what this really is but would you really want to eat something that looks like that?

---

I think the reason that souffle's have lost popularity is because this is what they are supposed to look like when you cook it right.

---

I have to admit that these look pretty good. These are the kind of treats that are made exclusively by old ladies and found only at church bake sales. Mainly because you couldn't find a single one of the ingredients in a modern day supermarket. They're probably packed with all sorts of archaic fats and shortening that you can only find in Grandma's 50 year old pantry.

---

This is some sort of an egg dish, you can tell by the cock on the table. Also it seems like this dish is to be served with a goblet of blood.

---

This cake is not made for mortals. I mean look at it, its furry and practically glows. I bet this is the kind of cake God has on his birthday.

---

Look at that luncheon spread. Lets face it, lunch isn't lunch without 5 different types of processed meat. I would also like to point out that it looks like these were they days before pimento loaf had macaroni and cheese and peppers and all the other stuff added.... Just green olives... We really have come a long way as a society

---

"You know you're not having dessert until you finish you're giant hunk of meat."

50 Year Old Food! Part 2

Labels: food

If you were like me as a kid on Halloween night after Trick or Treating you would sit down to a gluttonous feast from your sack of candy and you may or may not have stumbled onto the unmistakable taste of eating a bag of plain potato chips after a chocolate bar. Well its a taste I have never forgotten so to continue in the tradition of that unholy marriage of chocolate and potato chips I present to you Swoops + Pringles = SWINGLES!!!

Here they are, looking so innocent and unaware of their bizarre and twisted fate.

Since the Swoops are quite a bit thicker than the Pringles I decided to use 2 parts Pringle for every 1 part Swoop, I also decided to try 2 different versions: the Pringle wrapped Swoop and vice versa. I decided to first try the Pringle wrapped Swoop (right hand side).

Hmmm, it was alright. Need to cleanse the palette with a bit of Coke, now onto the Swoop wrapped Pringle.

The Pringle Wrapped Swoop was definitely the better of the two, but would it be improved with a little peanut butter?

No not really. and after eating just 3 of these concoctions I realized that just because Swoops are the same shape as pringles doesn't necessarily mean they should be put together, I also realize that just because something seemed like it was a good idea when I was 7 years old doesn't necessarily mean it's still a good idea when I'm 27.

Labels: food

I want to talk a bit about the cereal universe. The cereal universe is where all the characters from breakfast cereals live. Straight up the place is fucked, mainly because the inhabitants are so fucked. The place is nothing but vibrant colors and sugar coated food and the streets for the most part are filled with bleary eyed addicts. One thing I noticed recently is that there are no women in the cereal universe (at least not prominent ones) but things may be far worse than a patriarchy, I think that there is a "cereal rapist" and "cereal killer" out there who has systematically disposed of all the women. Lets examine some of the possible suspects.

CAP'N CRUNCH - CAP'N CRUNCH
The Cap'n spends most of his time at sea, battling the "soggies" who may or may not be a figment of his imagination. Judging by his slurred speech he spends most of the time half in the bag.










COUNT CHOCULA - COUNT CHOCULA
The count hangs out at his castle in the mountains with Frankenberry and Boo Berry. Its possible that Fruit Brute is hanging with them too but he hasn't been seen around in a while. This crew generally just sticks with each other and don't seem to be stirring up much trouble. But who knows what a group of hideous monsters is getting up to after dark.








TOUCAN SAM - FROOT LOOPS
"Follow your nose"? Come on Sam your not fooling anyone. We all know that when you're alone you grind up the loops and do "rainblow" rails off of a mynah birds ass feathers. Sam is always looped out of his mind.










LEPRECHAUN - LUCKY CHARMS
The Lucky Charms leprechaun suffers from paranoid schitzophrenia he constantly thinks people are trying to steal his Lucky Charms. Which is pretty odd because they are more likely trying to steal his pot of gold.










SUGAR BEAR - SUGAR CRISP
Sugar bear is a classic addict he "can't get enough of that sugar crisp" he can never get enough. Sugar Bear is what we call a high functioning addict he is more than capable of acquiring his "drug" he even seems to give off an air of calm at all times. He is somewhat of the "James Bond" of cereal addicts, he's kind of a smooth operator.








TRIX RABBIT - TRIX
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum from Sugar Bear we have the Trix Rabbit. No matter how hard he tries he never gets to have the "drug" which he so dearly craves. This leaves him as a fused out jumpy bundle of nerves. It isn't known if the Trix rabbit has actually ever even has a bowl of Trix or if he is just uncontrollably drawn to it like a moth to a patio light.







SONNY - COCOA PUFFS
Sonny is the perfect example of what happens when someone with the personality of the Trix Rabbit actually gets his fix. Sonny as you know is "Cookoo for Cocoa Puffs". In other words this fucker is crazy. He spends his days in drug induced insanity. A highly volatile and erratic individual who should not be trifled with.








TONY THE TIGER - FROSTED FLAKES
If you ask me Tony the Tiger's normal exterior probably hides some demons. Sure he seems like a jovial fun loving character, but looks can be deceiving especially in the cereal universe. Who knows what he gets up to when he goes back to his lair.







You be the judge. I know who I would put my money on.

Labels: food

TV Series: Every morning while I eat my breakfast and drink my green tea I like to watch an episode of a selected TV series. Watching a series in sequence day to day is so much better than watching it on TV, you don't have to wait a week for the next episode and there are no commercials. Right now I am watching "Twin Peaks". What a great show. There were only 2 seasons before it was cancelled. Fans of the show say that it was ahead of its time and I guess it was to a certain extent. It was on when I was a kid and I always remember it was known as a weird show, but watching it today it is certainly no weirder than "Lost" and definitely less cryptic. Anyway "Twin Peaks" has some interesting parental connections to modern day stars. Russ Tamblyn who played Dr. Lawrence Jacoby is Amber Tamblyn's (Joan of Arcadia)Father. Mary Jo Deschanel who played Eileen Hayward is Zooey Deschanel (Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy) and Emily Deschanel's (Bones) mother. Grace Zabriskie who played Sarah Palmer and Warren Frost who played Dr. William Hayward played The Ross' in Seinfeld (Susan's (George's fiance) parents).

Actors: I've mentioned before that I dislike Vin Diesel, well I have more reason. I saw him on both Conan and Letterman this week and he told the same lame anecdote on both shows. I hate that shit. Are you so unimaginative and uninspired that you can't come up with more than one story.? This is also one of the reasons that I really dislike Terrance Howard. When he was promoting "Hustle and Flow" I saw him tell the same pimp story in every fucking interview he did. The guy sucks. As far as I'm concerned he's the poor mans Benicio Del Torro.

Signs: You know how on the door of basically every store in the free world it says "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service". This leads me to this question: Was there a point in time when the streets were rampant with shoeless shirtless people? If yes was that time the 1960's? I just can't envision a time when this must have gotten so out of hand that all business' unanimously proclaimed "We must do something about this!!!!". Oh yeah pets too. I guess people used to just walk into stores wearing nothing but shorts with a few dogs and cats maybe an iguana or two and the store owners couldn't really do shit.

Food (sort of): So I have this can of non-stick cooking spray and as I was spraying it on a cookie sheet the other day I noticed the best before date on the bottom. It read Best Before OCT 2606. I started to envision future generations auctioning off the cooking spray for exorbenant amounts of money as an edible product from 600 years ago. It would be like us finding something from 1406 that was still edible. Obviously the date is meant to read Oct. 26th 2006 but what fun would that be.

Labels: celebrities, food, tv

I just saw "The Chronicles of Narnia" and when the one kid first meets the Ice queen she says she can make him anything in the world he wants to eat. For some bizarre reason he chooses a big plate of turkish delight. That vile red tastebud poison that fills a Big Turk bar.


Lets face it a Sweet Marie bar is nothing more than the poor mans Oh Henry bar.


Bounty is truly one of the worst. It has spawned my hatred for coconut.


I bought a burnt almond on a whim because it was the only bar in the cadbury line that I hadn't tried. I was truly disappointed. I should have expected a bar with the word "burnt" in the title to be terrible.


This piece of crap doesn't even have chocolate in it. Molasses and peanuts. Its the candy bar that looks the same pre and post digestion.


I've actually never had one of these but personally I wont eat something with a name like that.

Labels: food, movies

I truly want to start a website devoted to the most diabolically unhealthy and trashy recipes known to man. Don't get me wrong I like quality food. I worked for several years in the food industry and made my fair share of fancy shit. But I've always been intrigued by the dark side of food. I don't even necessarily want to eat it I just like coming up with the ideas. You may remember my idea for KFP or Kentucky Fried Pizza. Well here are some others.


shepherds Pie Mark II or Poutine Extreme
This one is fairly simple you make up the mix for shepherds pie (which is basically ground beef, onions, corn, carrots etc.) but instead of topping it with mashed potatoes you top it with French fries (which have been deep fried first) then top with cheese and gravy.


Wendy's Triple Burger Cubed Plus One or the Beef Highrise
With 4200 calories, 190 g of fat, 9000 mg of sodium this burger is sure to become a favorite. You actually don't have to wait until it is released you can build your own by buying 10 classic singles. (throw all of the veg except for 1 serving but save the mayo).


Subway's All Monsters Attack Sub or Pig vs. Cow vs. Chicken vs. Turkey vs. Fish vs. Crab vs. Lobster vs. Octopus vs. Your bowels
In some places you can just ask for the all monsters attack sub but some places are out of the loop so you may have to explain. Cold cut combo asst. meat, turkey, ham, bacon, chicken, steak on white with double cheese and mayo plus whatever sauces you fancy the whole sub is then rolled up in a wrap with tuna and seafood salad in between.






Hot Dog wrapped in Cinnamon Bun
Do yourself a favor and get a package of Pillsbury cinnamon buns and package of hotdogs and make up these treats. Is it dinner? Is it dessert? Is it delicious? The answer to all three is up to you














Kraft Dinner
Instructions on box.











more to come...

tags: food,recipes, redneck,

---

Do you want to find the best recipes on the internet? If you love food, check out the best Christmas food recipes! Food is the occassion to get friends and family together. If you are looking for yummy dessert recipes to entertain with, sign online today. You can also find information on the food pyramid!

Labels: food

To many the following will seem completely trivial and pointless, but this is the kind of shit that fills my brain. These are the kinds of thoughts that are a product of a media soaked lifestyle. Some people probably couldn't care less about the difference between Coke and Pepsi. I on the other hand have always cared about these minor details. Complacency has never been an option. I'm sure that there are also people out there who couldn't care less about the difference between The Beatles and the Rolling Stones or 50 cent and Run DMC but to people who care to look into it the differences are huge. I should add that when I go into a restaurant and order a Coke and they say is Pepsi alright I will never never say yes. I will invariably order something else.

Coca Cola and the Ramones burst onto the scene in much the same vain, they were fresh, original, exciting,and filled with cocaine. In time both cleaned up their ways but still maintained their hard and energy fueled edge. They were originators
in their respective fields and by all accounts perfected the recipe in which they set to create.

over the next few years both Coca Cola and the Ramones secured their position around the world as more than just an American brand/band but as true Icons of American culture. During their career the Ramones were much more popular outside of North
America than they were in their homeland. Coca Cola became the most recognizable and known brand on planet earth. Why was this? People from all different countries and cultures flocked to them to experience just a little bit of the American way. If for only in a small way it connected them with American culture. But why else? Well they offered a good product.

As with all good things they are imitated (but never duplicated). For Coke there was Pepsi and for the Ramones there is today's modern day mainstream punk rock* .What do these followers have in common? They are both sugary sweet renditions of the originals (also losing the edge), they have obviously tried to lift the iconography of the originals, and they cater themselves directly to the youth (or feeling youthful) market.

Too sugary sweet:
The bottom line is Pepsi is nothing more than a third rate Coke clone (2nd rate would be RC cola) it tastes horrible, its as if they said lets make something like coke but with 3 times the sugar. To me it honestly tastes no better than the generic brand of cola any and every supermarket produces. As for losing its edge Pepsi has never even had and edge. There is something compelling about drinking a soft drink that was once laced with an illicit substance. Even though it has long since been removed we still know that Coke was once "slumming it" for real. In a three legged cauldron no less.

Modern day punk rock is the same way. It is a candy coated, sugar filled version of what punk rock is supposed to be. Sure the Ramones played punk music that was poppy but they certainly didn't play pop music that was punky. There IS a difference. The difference is in terms of motivation . Modern punk has no edge. The Ramones weren't just writing songs about Forest Hills Queens, Sniffing Glue and shooting heroin. They were living it. Suburban kids certainly don't know what it's like living in the city or what it's like carrying a $50 mosrite in a shopping bag on the subway to rehearsal. You simply don't have the same motivations if you drive to band practice in your parents SUV with your brand new Les Paul in the back.

Attempted Iconography:
It is fairly easy to see that Pepsi recognized and tried to bolster Cokes status as an American Icon. You really need to look no further than the fact that Pepsi chose Red White and Blue as their packaging choice. The problem is they missed the point you cant just slap the colors of the flag on your product and expect to be viewed as something.

Modern day punk in the same way slaps on all the punk rock packaging yet they forgot one important detail. The clothes don't make the music and beneath it all there needs to be some substance. Modern punk really represents nothing. The Ramones stood for something (even if they weren't overtly political). If nothing else they were honest and real and even without a political agenda that IS something. They weren't listening to punk records. They were defining the genre.

Focus on youth culture:
Pepsi's Marketing tactic has always been clear. Sell to the youth. Just look at their slogans throughout history (The choice of a new generation, Be Young, Have fun, Drink Pepsi, Generation Next etc) It is easy to sell your product if you focus entirely on youth because for the most part your market is naive and doesn't have a refined palette (which is good if your product tastes like shit). Pepsi has always tried to sell an idea rather than a product. If you are selling to the youth it is an easy market to manipulate. Young children don't understand the concept of advertising and think that commercials are public service announcements and tweens-teens are heavily influenced by peer pressure. And once they have these ideas firmly planted in peoples minds years down the road they can re-sell them on the product claiming it will make them feel young again. Clever marketing yes. Evidence of a good product NO.

Modern Day Punk. I hardly find it necessary to go into the details of how this genre is marketed to the youth because it is so clearly evident. It is marketed the exact same way that Pepsi is. The difference with the Ramones is that yes they appealed to the youth but they also appealed to music fans as well. This is very important and shows the mark of a good band. (you may be saying hey why cant the youth be music fans? I am referring to people who are fans of any and all genres of music and not just "fad fans". To be a music fan you have to be open minded to the whole spectrum of music. If you are the type of person who says "I only listen to punk rock" Then you most likely aren't a fan of music. You are just probably trying to fit into one specific sub-culture. This has nothing to do with being a true fan of music. (I say "probably" and "most likely" only because there is a minimal chance that someone out there has been truly open minded to every genre of music known to man but by some freak occurrence they only like one specific type))

In closing I should say that these sugar coated imitators aren't all bad we can at least give them credit for reminding us just how good the originals really are by comparison.

*yes there are punk bands of today that are making real, honest and exciting music but I am focusing on the one's who have floated to the top, the one's on the radio and in the magazines Mostly the bands who have co-opted the punk rock image and or ideals such as Good Charlotte, New found Glory, Sum 41 and Avril Lavine etc.

tags: music, punk rock,ideas,

Labels: food, music

You will not find a more retched hive of scum and villainy. You know the kind of place I'm talking about.

*its the kind of place that attracts all the degenerates because it has the cheapest cigarettes in town.

*its the kind of place that you buy batteries from because they are ridiculously cheap thinking how can they be different than name brand batteries only to learn that they last literally 5 minutes.

*its the kind of place that seems to only have customers with really strange sounding coughs.

*its the kind of place that has a bargain bin of VHS movies that all suck.

*its the kind of place that has a frozen food section with the lowest grade meat you can find. Oh and the food Isle is shared with something dangerous and/or toxic.

*its the kind of place where they sell T-shirts called "America's Own" brand on the tag, but on the other side of said tag it reads "Made in Bangledesh".

*its the kind of place where Nascar fans get their wardrobe.

Anyway, I'm not even going to mention the name of this store because I think by now everyone knows what type of store I am talking about. At this store I bought a bottle of RC cola, mainly because I had no idea the stuff still existed.

tags: bargain, shopping, cola

Labels: food, random

Tonight I spent a few minutes walking around the annual fall fair. What's amazing about the fair is it contains the most bizarre things but what really caught my attention was the food. Probably the worst food (health wise) that there is. I suppose that for the average person its one night out of the year when you can indulge in a little bit of junk food. That brings me to the carnies they DO live on a steady diet of that shit. They spend their days consuming cotton candy, pogo sticks, hot dogs, hamburgers (those cheap reconstituted ones), candy apples, caramel apples, fudge, soft serve ice cream-like-substance, popcorn with various shit coating it, deep fried chocolate bars, funnel cakes, french fries, poutine, onion rings, and crack..... a whole lotta crack cocaine. You may think that I'm making a bad generalization but I had a roommate who was a carnie and he would regale us with tales of smoking crack with his carnie friends.

So the point of this is to tell you about a new invention that I've come up with that may only fly at a place that embraces the worlds most dangerous and unhealthy food. KFP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which stands for KENTUCKY FRIED PIZZA. Its a pizza covered in the KFC breading or skin and deep fried. I don't think anyone can deny how good that shit would be. I don't know how you get your recipe on the carnival circuit or if they are age old recipes handed down through generations of carnies. Anyway I think that if the deep fried twinkie and the deep fried mars bar worked then KFP would be a hit too.

tags: fair, carnie, KFP, food, entertainment

Labels: food

Japan really knows how to market things. Here are watermelons that look like Godzilla eggs and a bomb. How cool is that?





tags: Japan, food, marketing, godzilla

Labels: food

Today I made a pot of chili using 3 different types of peppers. Jalapeno's, chili peppers and those light green ones. Anyway I was obviously handling the peppers when cutting them up and everything was fine at the time but about half an hour later my hands started to burn really bad. I washed my hands thoroughly and figured it wouldn't last long. MY HANDS HAVE BEEN BURNING FOR 6 HOURS. I did a little research and found out that once your hands start to burn its too late to wash it off and it has to be treated. Apparently I have to get rid of the capsaicin.

cap·sa·i·cin
n.
A colorless, pungent, crystalline compound, C18H27NO3, that is derived from capsicum and is a strong irritant to skin and mucous membranes.

To get rid of the capsaicin I need rubbing alcohol (none here) or bleach (none here) and then use milk (no dairy in the house) or aloe (none here) to soothe the skin. I think I'm gonna have to wait it out.

tags: food. burn, chili peppers

Labels: food

today I bought a bottle of coke and drank some of it before I realized that it was past its expiry date by 2 months....being the neurotic freak that I am I called up the company to ask them if it was ok...they told me that it wasnt an expiry date it was an "optimal taste date" and that they recommend that you drink it by that date because after it may lose some of its flavour or carbonation, but it is still safe to drink.

Labels: food

I dont understand...

-how that show corner gas is still on the air
-peoples fascination with lindsey lohan, paris hilton and jessica/ashlee simpson
-how the band that wrote "heart of the sunrise" also wrote "owner of a lonely heart
-why you cant get frankenberry in Canada
-people who think CGI looks good

Labels: celebrities, food, movies, music, tv

Cadbury burnt almond bars are absolute shit, I decided to try one because it was the only one of the cadbury family I hadn't tried, that's $1.39 that I'll never have back.
American Idol is back on and despite the protests from every "indie rock" fibre of my body I am thoroughly enjoying it again. The early episodes are the best not to watch the "bad" singers get insulted but to actually watch them. Its to bad most of them are jaded into thinking that they would make some sort of pop idol because they would be amazing if they embraced their odd voices and wrote their own stuff. I find it funny because if any one of my favorite singers went on that show they would get ripped to shreds but just because you don't have a typical good voice doesn't mean that you cant write or create a beautiful and moving song.
All that being said the good singers (that get it) can move you by singing a classic song in their own style, Fantasia was good at that.

Labels: food, tv

When I was a kid we used to go the A&P to get our groceries...they had a really weird system there. You would go the check out and ring all your stuff in and they would put it in bags then in baskets (about the size of recycling bins) which had numbers on them they would then give you a tag with the corresponding number and then put all your baskets on a conveyer belt and you would to and get your car and pull up to the front of the store and then you would hand someone your tag and they would fill your trunk with your groceries (because the conveyer belt let to outside).
Sometimes, not very often but sometimes the guy filling the trunk would screw up and mix up 2 peoples baskets so we would get home and find a few bags of other peoples things...some people would raise a huge fuss about this but it was always pretty exciting as a kid and getting to taste a sample of how other people lived...we never really had any frills in our regular shopping items so it we always seemed to trade up. the grocery store tales pt. 2

Labels: food