Rachel Blanchard is the poor man's Alicia Silverstone

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Monica Potter is the poor man's Julia Roberts

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Benjamin Mackenzie is the poor man's Russel Crowe

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Mark Harmon is the poor man's Kevin Costner

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Zachary Levi (guy from show "Chuck") is the poor man's Jimmy Fallon

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The Kid from the Dennis the Menace movie is the poor man's Dakota Fanning

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John Cryer is the poor man's Matthew Broderick

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Elias Koteas is the poor man's Christopher Meloni

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Aaron Ashmore is the poor man's Shawn Ashmore

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John Leguizamo is annoying as hell... please don't put him in any more movies.

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Check Out:

Poor Man's Actor Part 1

Labels: celebrities, movies, tv

So I saw a commercial for the new Halloween movie by Rob Zombie and wondered if it was a remake of the original 1978 version so I looked it up on the IMDB and noticed these two promo pics from the movies (first one from 1978 second from 2007... pretty obvious). Definitely doesn't look like a coincidence. I've actually never seen any of the Halloween movies but I think I may check em out at some point.

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So remember before they caught Ted Kaczynski they had the sketch going around and then they caught him and it looked nothing like him. Well I think they may have the wrong guy.

MORE TROUBLE FOR JACKO!!!

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For those who haven't heard ironic fashion has reached new heights. The new look for fall is the dictator look. Behold:

Labels: fashion, movies, music

On the lot is a new reality show about a group of aspiring movie directors all vieing for a prize of a million dollar contract with Dreamworks. On the first episode their task was to pitch a movie idea based on one of the following five concepts. I'm glad I didn't have to pitch one of them because this is what I think of when given the ideas...

A slacker applies to the C.I.A. as a joke and is accepted.
At first glance this concept seems like it could only be a comedy and it would have to star some idiot like Pauly Shore (well Pauly Shore if it was the early 90's) in this day and age it would have to star another idiot like.... lets say Jamie Kennedy. The problem is that this movie would never ever ever ever be even remotely funny (not on any level) it would be... well it would be your standard Pauly Shore or Jamie Kennedy movie... ie. ghastly unfunny. I want to take this film in a different direction. The film will be a drama. Not just any drama an utterly dry, 100% serious comedy free drama.(*) The slacker character is not a slacker in the sense of a stoner who sits on the couch eating cheeto's watching Maury but a slacker in the sense that he is so morbidly depressed that he can barely bring himself to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. He applies to the C.I.A. not as a prank joke like a bunch of half drunk frat boys would find funny but more like a man with such low self esteem attempting to yet again self sabotage himself with an attempt at a job that he feels he would never get. The reasons are unclear why he is actually hired but he isn't hired as some sort of C.I.A. field agent as you may be thinking. He is hired for some sort of lowly data entry clerk type position. He takes the job and basically goes unnoticed and continues his utterly mundane and mediocre existence. This film has very little dialog or even movement. Picture long scenes shot in drab monotone colours of a pathetic looking man staring blankly at walls and such. Movie will star the C list equivalent of Tobey Maguire. The film will be a box office and critical failure but the universe will be better off without another Jamie Kennedy movie.

A man sees his face on the news described as missing or wanted.
Ok this one has to be done in a Phillip K. Dick style of confusing duality etc. So the guy see's himself wanted on the news for some major crime. He has to go on the run to try and figure it all out. Much to his surprise he finds out he has a twin brother . But it turns out that his twin brother actually cloned himself and the clone is the one wanted by the police. The guy finally comes face to face with the clone and the clone tells the guy (the original guy) that he is the clone and not him. So the dude can't figure out if he really is a clone or if he has a twin brother or if he has a twin brother and a twin brother clone. In the end it turns out that there are no clones and that they are identical triplets and the original guy actually was the one wanted by the police because he would commit crimes at night while sleep walking.... actually no fuck it... he would commit crimes at night because he was a werewolf........................ who was actually a clone of his twin brothers werewolf. FUCK YEAH!!!.... I have to work on this one a bit to make it more confusing clonefusing.

A mouse is captured by a pharmaceutical company and must plan his escape.
This would work in the style of Watership down and the Plague dogs. Someone get Richard Adams we have a job for him. Seriously this movie would suck balls if it was like Stuart Little because Stuart Little sucked balls.(**) But if it had a dark edge to it. Animals trying to survive in the world against mysterious and sinister human's who seem capable of nothing but evil. Could be a winner.

A priest meets the woman of his dreams before he is to be ordained.
He becomes a priest and then fucks the broad anyway. Jesus is not impressed.(***) PASS!

A crate bound for a secret military base is delivered to a suburban family.
This one IS a comedy but one geared towards unimaginative/mentally deficient 7 year olds. Tom Arnold is the head of the family his wife is played by the Redheaded Woman from the "Problem Child" movies his son is played by that annoying kid Frankie Muniz who played Malcolm in the middle and the daughter is some other prat. The crate comes to their house but its only filled with styrofoam cups. Some psuedo sinister guy from the military base is sent to try and retrieve the case. He will be played by someone with a moustache. Its one of those movies where people over act and make a big deal about stupid things and ends up getting a 2.1 on the IMDB.

* By creating a film that is 100% serious it will actually be funnier than if it was the Jamie Kennedy comedy.... you just got X'ed

** I've never actually seen Stuart Little

*** I realize that this may in fact be the most offensive think I have ever written... but fuck it. (if yr easily offended what the fuck are you doing on this site?)

Labels: celebrities, movies, tv

Seeing as its oscar season I thought about investigating a certian topic. How often does the academy vote with the general public? Generally the Imdb is a pretty good representation of the general public's movie opinion (well its about the best one we're going to get, at least for this little project)

Below I have included all the times in the past 20 years that the academy picked a best picture that had a lower user rating than another nominee.

2003

Winner:

• Chicago - 7.4

Other Nominees:

· Gangs of New York - 7.2

· Hours, The - 7.6

· Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The - 8.7

· Pianist, The - 8.4

2002

Winner:

• Beautiful Mind, A - 7.8

Other Nominees:

· Gosford Park - 7.2

· In the Bedroom - 7.4

· Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The - 8.7

· Moulin Rouge! - 7.7

The results may be a tad skewed for 2002 and 2003 because we have to assume that there are a fairly large number of LOTR fanboys voting in drones. Personally I never understood why everyone had such a hard on for those movies. They just didn't do it for me. One thing is for damn sure though. The Pianist should have beaten that piece of shit Chicago.

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1999

Winner:

• Shakespeare in Love - 7.4

Other Nominees:

· Elizabeth - 7.6

· Saving Private Ryan - 8.4

· Thin Red Line, The - 7.3

· Vita è bella, La - 8.4

I remember this year vividly and how bizarre it was that Shakespeare in Love won especially over Saving Private Ryan and Life is Beautiful. I guess I'm not alone.

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1998

Winner:

• Titanic - 7.0

Other Nominees:

· As Good as It Gets - 7.7

· Full Monty, The - 7.2

· Good Will Hunting - 7.9

· L.A. Confidential - 8.4

Now here is a really anomalous year. The winner has the lowest rating of all the nominees and it really deserves the lowest. Lets face it Titanic wasn't a great movie it was a fucking fad. Over hyped nonsense. Although I do have to say it was a pretty good story, I mean I totally didn't expect the ship to sink.

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1997

Winner:

• English Patient, The - 7.1

Other Nominees:

· Fargo - 8.2

· Jerry Maguire - 7.2

· Secrets & Lies - 7.8

· Shine - 7.5

The funny thing about this year is that I have absolutely no memory of the movies Secrets & Lies or Shine.

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1995

Winner:

• Forrest Gump - 8.3

Other Nominees:

· Four Weddings and a Funeral - 7.1

· Pulp Fiction - 8.8

· Quiz Show - 7.4

· Shawshank Redemption, The - 9.2

Ok this may go down as the biggest academy fuck up ever. FORREST GUMP BEAT SHAWSHANK??? Shawshank is the imdb's second highest rated movie of all time (right behind the Godfather). Forrest Gump is a movie in which Tom Hanks acted like an idiot. hmmm oh and Gary Sinise was in it too..... WHAT???? can we revoke oscars???? (We'll pick that one up on the way to Halle Berry's house) .

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1992

Winner:

• Silence of the Lambs, The - 8.6

Other Nominees:

· Beauty and the Beast - 7.8

· Bugsy - 6.6

· JFK - 7.9

· Prince of Tides, The - 6.2

Interesting facts this year. Prince of tides is the lowest rated best picture nominee of the past 20 years, while Terminator 2: Judgment day (8.3) is nowhere to be found.

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1991

Winner:

• Dances with Wolves - 7.8

Other Nominees:

· Awakenings - 7.4

· Ghost - 6.8

· Godfather: Part III, The - 7.4

· Goodfellas - 8.7

Its funny that Godfather 3 is regarded as a joke and that Ghost is regarded as one of Patrick Swayze's best movies. But look at the ratings. I actually saw Swayze the other day at some really low budget dive bar. I asked him if he was filming a sequel to "Roadhouse" he said no and then took my drink order.

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1990

• Driving Miss Daisy - 7.4

Other Nominees:

· Born on the Fourth of July - 7.0

· Dead Poets Society - 7.7

· Field of Dreams - 7.6

· My Left Foot - 7.6

So there you have it. Of the last 20 Academy Awards 9 didnt go with the public's popular opinion.

Labels: movies

You have to spend 1 hour locked in a room with either:
CUJO






















OR

COJO



















WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?

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Picture this:
a fairly rich man eats a large sized serving of eggs benedict even though he isn't really hungry.

also

a man unjustly fired from his job spends a night throwing eggs at his bosses car.

Do you think the hen who layed all the above mentioned eggs would be more
offended by one of the situations?

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You meet a Genie who offers you as much money as you would like.
THE CATCH: For every $250 the genie will randomly remove 1 word from your vocabulary. You will never be able to learn or understand the lost words again and when you hear them they will just sound like jibberish. You will have to learn to communicate with whatever you have left.

Facts:
1 million dollars: you lose 4,000 words
avg persons vocab: 5 or 6 thousand words

How much money would you take?

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You learn that James Blunt is a psychotic axe murderer













Are you even surprised?

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You meet another genie he gives you two options?
For the rest of your life you can only listen to either:
the genre of music that you most despise
or
your all time favorite album

CATCH:

for the genre you hate you can listen to any bands or artists (within that genre) whenever and however frequently you like but that is it.

for your favorite album you must listen to if on repeat for the rest of your life with no break.

Which do you choose?

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This idea partially inspired by Chuck Klosterman's 23 questions

Labels: celebrities, movies, music, random

Severance has been described as "the office" meets "Deliverance", a comedy/horror/thriller where a group of British office workers go on a weekend retreat in the mountains of eastern Europe for a team building workshop only to be hunted by a bunch of psychotic ex-militants.

This film mixes the comedy and horror pefectly (unlike black sheep which I saw earlier). Both elements are balanced nicely without one over shadowing the other. The film also purposely goes in the opposite direction of every horror cliche without blatantly speaking about it (like in Scream). Good movie.

Labels: movies

The Fountain is the much anticipated third movie for director Darren Aronofsky (who did Pi and Requiem for a Dream). From the Imdb plot summary: Spanning over one thousand years, and three parallel stories, The Fountain is a story of love, death, spirituality, and the fragility of our existence in this world. This is actually a really hard film to explain, I think you have to see it to really understand what it's all about.

As with all of Aronofsky's films this one really makes you think about life and the larger issues facing us. I always said that Requiem for a Dream was a great movie but that I would never watch it again because it was so intense that afterwards I was in a very strange mental state.

Although one of this films main themes is death it is dealt with in a very positive manner. The visual effects are amazing and Hugh Jackman's performance is stellar. Check it out.

Labels: movies

American Hardcore is a documentary about the Hardcore Punk Scene in the USA (and Canada when they refer to D.O.A.) from 1980 - 1986. The film feature interviews with most of the key players and features rare live footage (but not really a lot).

There are a few interesting interview moments and some decent Bad Brains footage but as a film this movie was very poorly put together (which is surprising because the director said they had been working on it for 5 years). It almost felt like they just took a bunch of clips and just randomly threw them together. Someone else described it well when they said that the order of the clips could have run completely in reverse and it wouldnt have made a difference. For a film about a genre of music that is generally fast, tight, very structured with a definative political message, this film seems to lack any sort of cohesive stucture or point (it was hard to see what they were trying to say with it). This could have been done much better especially seeing as the film makers said they had hundreds of hours of interview material. Die hard fans only.

Labels: movies, music

The basic story to Trapped Ashes is Seven strangers on a Hollywood movie studio tour are trapped inside an infamous House of Horror and forced to tell their most terrifying stories to get out alive. So in a Tales from the crypt style 4 different stories are told. Each of the stories and the wrap around story are done by a different director: Sean S. Cunningham, John Gaeta, Monte Hellman, Ken Russell and Joe Dante each has a fairly large resume in the horror genre.

The problem is that the whole thing was pretty weak. None of the stories were very engaging. For a horror film that was supposed to have humorous moments it was neither scary nor funny (not even in an ironic sense). The effects were so poorly done (it looked like a cheap episode of the outer limits). I don't even think big fans of the directors will be a fan of this one.

Labels: movies

Set in 1983 against a backdrop of Thatcher era Britain This is England Focus' on 11 year old Shaun who is trying to deal with the loss of his father (who died in the Faulklands war) as well as being bullied at school. Before long he falls in with an older gang of boys and girls who act as a kind of surrogate family and protect him from being picked on and although many of them are skinheads they are non-racist and basically harmless. Everything is fine until the former leader of the gang Combo returns from jail. Combo is aggressive and with racist tendencies with ties to the National Front. He soon breaks the group apart taking some of the members along (including Shaun) promising a better country with his radical political agenda.

Director Shane Meadows does a brilliant job of illustrating the atmosphere and social status of this slice of England in 1983. The characters are well defined and even Combo who could have easily been portrayed as a monster is shown to have many layers beneath his anger and emotional problems. First time actor Thomas Turgoose proves himself as a true natural in the role of Shaun (who in fact is based largely on director Meadows.) The film also touches on the history of skinheads instead of painting them all with a stereotypically negative brush. The soundtrack is great and the shots and locations are perfect. Worth checking out.

Labels: movies

Again a world premiere from yet another first time feature film director Nacho Cerda.

from the official website:

An American film producer named Marie returns to her homeland, Russia, where her Mother’s dead body has been found under bizarre circumstances. She never knew her, having been adopted and brought to America as a baby. The only clue to what might have happened is an isolated, abandoned farm in the mountains that supposedly belonged to her natural parents.

Being the only next of kin, she inherits the place, but no one will take her there as local superstitions state that the area is... DAMNED. Only one man will embark on such a dangerous and long journey... A stranger that oddly seems to know quite a bit about her history... But once arrived, the guide mysteriously disappears, forcing Marie to explore the derelict location alone.

She discovers someone else on the property... A man named Nikolai, who claims to have been lured there exactly in the same manner, so he could discover the truth behind his unknown past as well.

They become stranded in the immense compound, plagued by terrifying, ghostly visions… The problem is that the ghosts that wander around are THEIR OWN. Dead versions of themselves marauder between the buildings in the night…

Time begins to move in reverse as history re-lives itself in front of their very eyes. While both their ghosts, illustrating exactly how they will die, patiently await their living counterparts to expire. A cycle of horror comes to fruition, as they are revealed the reason they have been summoned for this perverse reunion… And the brutal secret behind their family.

I'm not really up to date with modern horror movies, but this movie was pretty damn freaky. The sound effects, soundtrack and audio atmospheres were very well made to create an exteremely distrubing film experience (it was probably enhanced by the fact that the sound at this particular showing was really really loud... and I'm sure they did this on purpose to enhance the effect). Considering this is Cerda's first feature it was well done.

Labels: movies

German Director Volker Schlondorff tells the story of a shipyard worker Agnieszka Kowalska (based on Anna Walentynowicz) and her actions that help move Poland toward Democracy.

Although the info/story was somewhat interesting the film wasn't great.

Labels: movies

I attended the world premiere of New Zealand director Jonathan Kings feature film debut "Black Sheep". The basic story is that an experiment in genetic engineering turns harmless sheep into blood-thirsty killers that terrorize a rural town in New Zealand. The film is a mix of comedy, horror and gore that pays tribute to many films in the same vein of the past. Weta workshop (of Lord of the Rings fame) worked on the animatronic puppets and the special make up effects.

All in all the film was average, although it was great to see a movie made with no CGI and actual puppets etc ( I much prefer this method as I despise CGI) it still fell flat in many areas.

Labels: movies

When my brothers and I got tickets to the 31st annual Toronto International Film Festival one film was at the top of all our lists. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. The problem was that the movie was at the top of a lot of peoples lists. Even though we had advance tickets and had our choice of films before the general public it was still sold out almost immediately.

It seemed like there was no chance that we would see this movie until it came out in wide release (Which is Nov. 3rd so its not that bad)
Huge cash was being paid for any tickets people were willing to part with (one American fellow paid $400) .

(The following is information I have gathered from other festival goers)
The night of the screening (Thursday 11:59) Borat showed up to the red carpet on a wagon pulled by four peasant women with his horse beside him giving air "high fives" to the crowd (see pic above). He then proceeded to give interviews to the press. Also speaking to the press was Michael Moore who was there to see the movie. Eventually everyone proceeded into the theatre.

At the festival they have what's called a "rush line" this is a line that you can stand in to get the tickets of anyone that didn't show up, so after they let in all the ticket holders they go around and count how many extra seats are left and then let that many from the rush line in. Even though the 1,260 seater was completely sold out the rush line had hundreds of people in it and the one's at the front had been waiting for about 8 hours. At final count they let 4 people from the rush line in.

After all that anticipation the film started and the projector broke down after about 10 minutes. They scrambled around trying to fix it (even Michael Moore who used to be a projectionist took a crack at trying to get it going). Borat, director Larry Charles and even Moore stood on stage and answered questions from the audience. As time went on it became clear that they were not going to get the projector fixed . The screening was moved to Friday night at the Elgin Theatre. Bad news for some, but great news for us. The Elgin is a bigger theatre so more tickets were available and we got tickets to the show.

The basic story of the film is that the Kazakhi government has sent Borat to the US (specifically New York City) to learn from American culture to better Kazakhstan, but when Borat sees Pamela Anderson's character C.J. on a re-run of Baywatch he falls in love and decides he must travel to California so he can marry her. Really though the story isn't important, its just an excuse for Borat to travel the country and interview unsuspecting people in his trademark style. I think the brilliance of the character is that you never question the character of Borat. Sacha Baron Cohen has the character so well refined that it doesn't seem like you're watching him play Borat, its just Borat. The film is easily one of the funniest and most offensive I've seen in years, well only offensive if you take any of it seriously. Cohen also has a great ability of making people expose their most ridiculous prejudices candidly on film with no remorse. In fact he describes the film as a "dramatic demonstration of how racism feeds on dumb conformity, as much as rabid bigotry." Happy Time!

* During the Q an A on opening night some asked Moore if he had seen "Team America"? He said "not yet, but I hear I get blown up"

** Michael Moore was also at the re-screening on Friday night as well as Dustin Hoffman

Labels: movies

I first heard Daniel Johnston in 1995 when 2 of his songs ("Casper" and "Casper the Friendly Ghost") appeared on the "Kids" Soundtrack. I bought that soundtrack as soon as it came out because at the time I was a really big Sebadoh/Sentridoh/Folk Implosion/Lou Barlow fan (I was a 17 year old stoner at the time... what else would you expect). Anyway when I heard that the soundtrack was coming out that had 9 Lou Barlow project songs on it I had to have it, and of course I listened to it tons of times. At the time I partially wrote off Johnston as a novelty act "Casper the friendly ghost" was recorded in an extremely lo-fi fashion with what sounds like a toy organ and Johnston's unique voice. It wasn't that I disliked the song I guess I just had a hard time taking it completely seriously (remember I was 17 at the time). The funny thing is that as time went on I noticed that I often had "Casper the friendly ghost" pop into my head. Years after the fact I can barely remember any of the Lou Barlow songs on that soundtrack yet I would catch myself with lines from "Casper the friendly ghost" like "He was smiling through his own personal hell, dropped his last dime in a wishing well..." running through my mind. So I thought that if this song could have stuck with me for this long, there must be something to this Daniel Johnston character, I should get some of his records and find out what his story is. When I finally got some full recordings, I understood the genius that was Daniel Johnston.

Anyone that knows anything about Johnston knows that he has battled mental illness for some time and there are stories that seem almost too bizarre to be true surrounding his life and career. When I heard that they were making a documentary about him I couldn't wait to see it. Well....... I finally saw it and I have to say it doesn't disappoint. The story is tragic in many ways but beautiful in many ways too. I really don't want to say too much about the film but I would recommend it to anyone who is a fan or a fan of a good documentary. Watch the trailer if you need more convincing.

Labels: movies, music

Seriously, as far as I'm concerned the guy can eat a garbage bag full of dicks. I'll admit that I was into the "Mad Max" movies, the "Lethal Weapon" flicks were decent (despite getting the tbs treatment is recent years), "conspiracy theory" was alright and I was even kinda a fan of Payback but when Gibson got on the whole "Passion of the Christ" thing it didn't really work for me. The whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. The reports were that at the end of it all "The Passion of the Chirst" will have earned Gibson upwards of One Billion Dollars. Now I've always felt that if Gibson is truly a faithful man and truly just wanted to show the what happened to Jesus then he should donate every penny of profit from that film to charity and if not he should be confronted with some serious questions.

The guy is full of shit instead of making a film depicting all the good things that Jesus did he chose to ultimately make one about Jesus final hours of suffering and death. Hmmm I wonder why, could it be that that's what would sell and make him shitloads of money. Now I know that the crucifixion is an important part in the story of Jesus but if that's all you show the question is What are you trying to say with this film?

It would sort of be like if a film maker went up to the studio and said:
film maker: I want to make a movie about Elvis
studio: So do you want to portray Elvis' rise to fame and how he made music that many people loved and identified with?
film maker: Oh no not at all. I want to make a movie about Elvis' last hours when he was fucked up on pills and then show him dying on a toilet.

So the recent news about Gibson getting pulled over drunk and spouting anti-Semitic remarks further solidifies the case that the guy is full of shit. Being drunk is no excuse, you don't say things when you're drunk unless you actually believe them. I mean when I'm drunk I'm not going to start yelling I hate Nickelback If I really don't (I really do). So Gibson isn't going to be making anti-Semitic remarks when he's drunk unless he is in fact a anti-Semite. Now you may be asking "Hey wasn't Jesus Jewish? How can Mel Gibson be an anti-Semite?". If I can re-iterate a point: MEL GIBSON IS FULL OF SHIT. From what I've heard Jesus is a pretty forgiving guy and I guess you'd have to be if you're so called followers are shit bags like Gibson.

Conversation between Jesus and Mel Gibson I would like to see:
Jesus: So I saw that movie you made about me getting beaten tortured and then crucified
Gibson: What did you think?
Jesus: Too much whipping not enough leper healing I was hoping to maybe see some scenes where I helped people, you know loving people was really the message I was trying to get across.
Gibson: Well I made a lot of money with that movie. I even started selling official "passion of the Christ" crucifixion nails
Jesus: Do you remember when I found people selling things in the temple I was rather upset and I even tossed over the vendors tables. Have you ever even read the bible?
Gibson: Well ummm....
Jesus: Mel?
Gibson: I read some of it...
Jesus: And what did you learn from it?
Gibson: That is would make a big blockbuster movie

Labels: celebrities, movies

Anyone who knows who Nancy Grace is knows that she's the fakest fucking person on Television. I mean she's phonier than a 7 dollar bill, Styrofoam is more natural than this bitch. Anyway last week she interviewed Elizabeth Smart (the girl who was kidnapped from her room when she was 14) Grace Feigned the most contrived sympathy imaginable and kept pressing Elizabeth with really inappropriate questions. Eventually Elizabeth verbally "bitch slaps" Grace. You can see it in this video its worth checking out just to see Grace put in her place.

Speaking of Kidnapping, you know how in movies a common theme (where kidnapping is concerned) is someone is kidnapped and then held for a large ransom only to have the whole plan eventually foiled. My question is: Has there ever been a successful ransom kidnapping in the history of the world? If movies have taught us anything it's that it never works yet people try it all the time. The scenarios even get more and more complex yet the bad guys are always foiled.

The only Ransom kidnapping that I can actually recall is when Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army, but she ended up joining them so it may have been inside job (although there is a claim that she had the Stockholm Syndrome).

Side note: the SLA has a bad-ass logo which I think would look cool on a t-shirt apart from the fact that they are considered a terrorist organization and I they're into some pretty dodgy stuff

Labels: fashion, movies, tv

- green olives really are the poor mans black olives. Seriously!

- 2 of the greatest 1980's punk records ever are Operation Ivy: Energy & Hectic and Minor Threat: Complete Discography. Both are each bands complete discography. LEGENDARY!

- Rosemary is an interesting herb, I haven't really decided if I love it or not, it works on some things but I just had it on a foccacia pizza type thing and I'm not sure.

- I saw an episode to Iron Chef America the other day and the secret ingredient was bison. Several times it was referred to as having a "gamey" taste to it. I don't really know what "gamey" meat tastes like but I find the whole concept hilarious.

- "Date Movie" is insulting to the human race and I'll even go as far as to say that it (and things like it) make us devolve as a society. (When I say its insulting to the human race I don't mean its insulting in the way that "Wonder Showzen" is subversive yet clever, and hilarious.)

-The other day I ordered a decaf coffee and the girl gave me a regular coffee (I saw her pour it from the regular pot, I don't think they had any decaf brewed) She knew she gave me regular and I knew she gave me regular but I don't think she knew I knew. So anyway I went back a few days later and ordered another decaf from the same girl and looked her straight in the eye and said make sure its decaf, I have a heart condition and I just got out of the hospital... again. The look on her face was priceless.

-You know you can't get Count Chocula here anymore, the least healthy shit you can get is Lucky Charms and that's hardly even that bad. When I was a kid they had that cereal that was just mini chocolate cookies... Cookie Crisp I think.

Labels: food, movies, music, tv

Bruce Willis has 2 movies slated to come out in 2006 called "16 Blocks" and "Lucky Number Slevin". This further solidifies my theory that Bruce Willis is trying to make a movie with every number (from 1 - 20) in the title. Let me demonstrate:

1. The First Deadly Sin
2. Look Who's Talking too
3. Die Hard 3
4. Four Rooms
5. The Fifth Element
6. Sixth Sense
7. Lucky Number Slevin
9. The Whole 9 yards
10. The Whole 10 Yards
12. 12 Monkeys
16. 16 Blocks

Seriously?? You would be hard pressed to find many (if any) other actor's that have this many films with numbers in the titles (excluding of course multiple sequels of the same series ). Willis only needs to make a movie with the number 8 in the title to cover 1 - 10 and then he can work on finishing 11 - 20. I think he'll get it done.

Labels: celebrities, movies

Saddle Creek and Merge records (home of some of the best indie rock going today) are offering free MP3 downloads of any albums that their customers buy on vinyl. It is refreshing to see an idea like this when all we see from the majors are lawsuits and threats to the customers. The indie's realize that it is best to keep your customer happy and offer them what they want.

If history has taught us anything it's that you can't win a battle against technology. Things change and if you are in business you must be able to adapt to new changes as they come along or you will be ruined. There was a time when record companies (such as Brunswick) stamped "Not for radio play" on their records because they feared it would harm sheet music sales. How's the sheet music industry doing these days?

The other day I watched a DVD and the first thing on it was a big warning saying that buying pirated DVD's was the same as stealing. But they didn't seem to do anything when this day was clearly coming. I remember saying just as music downloads were really starting to take off (the late 90's) that it will be very soon when the same thing is happening with movies. I think the next 10 years will show a major shift in companies that have technological foresight vs. the ones who have been doing things the same way for decades. The world is a very different place than it was even 10 years ago. With a home computer and few extras people can record their own albums and edit their own movies and the quality is damn good. Plus with the internet connecting people like never before, modern word of mouth spreads like wild fire.

Labels: movies, music

I should state a few things off the bat for those of you who don't know me or haven't read all the posts on this site.

I was not a very big fan of the Lord of the Rings movies.They were ok but I certainly wasn't blown away by them and I certainly don't think any of them should be in the top 25 movies of all time

I am also not a very big fan of CGI For the most part scenery looks ok these days but I really dislike it when characters and "living things" are computer generated.

Before watching the new King Kong I decided to watch the original. As we all know the original is regarded as one of the greatest films in history, but I have to say that it really doesn't stand the test of time. I realize that I watched it for the first time in 2005 (72 years after it was made). But this brings me to an idea that my brother introduced me to. For films there are "classics" and "timeless classics". King Kong is certainly a classic (the film was revolutionary in its day) but it isn't a timeless classic. I honestly found parts of it extremely hard to get through. In comparison there are many films from the same period that are still amazing and relevant today. But that's an argument for another time.

The 2005 remake was pretty good. It was nice to see Jackson put his own spin on the original he even added a few clever elements to the script in reference to the original. King Kong actually looks O.K. for a character created with CGI, much better than Golem or anything from Star Wars parts 1-3. There are however a few things that I take issue with.
* The CGI dinosaurs look like a bag of shit, they look no better than the ones in Jurrassic park which was made in 1993.
* Jack Black although a great comedy actor is not very good in a serious role (at least not this one).
* I'm no animal expert but I don't think a giant gorilla would ever stand a chance in a fight against 3 Tyrannosaurus Rex's no matter how "in love" he was.
*I was kind of annoyed by the way that Ann Darrow "fell" for King Kong and had genuine feelings for him. By Contrast it was almost comical that in the original she felt nothing for him and didn't even care when he was killed. But I guess those were the days before the idea of Stockholm syndrome was popularized.

There is a scene in the new one that takes place in a cavern with a bunch of giant bugs and it is one of the creepiest things I've seen in a film in a long time.

Apparently the original King Kong is Peter Jackson's favorite movie of all time and it is what inspired him to get into film making. I like to think that Jackson was driven to make this film because he considers himself to be the King Kong character. If the ladies could only see past his simian appearance they would actually love him.

Labels: movies

I just saw "The Chronicles of Narnia" and when the one kid first meets the Ice queen she says she can make him anything in the world he wants to eat. For some bizarre reason he chooses a big plate of turkish delight. That vile red tastebud poison that fills a Big Turk bar.


Lets face it a Sweet Marie bar is nothing more than the poor mans Oh Henry bar.


Bounty is truly one of the worst. It has spawned my hatred for coconut.


I bought a burnt almond on a whim because it was the only bar in the cadbury line that I hadn't tried. I was truly disappointed. I should have expected a bar with the word "burnt" in the title to be terrible.


This piece of crap doesn't even have chocolate in it. Molasses and peanuts. Its the candy bar that looks the same pre and post digestion.


I've actually never had one of these but personally I wont eat something with a name like that.

Labels: food, movies

I just watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory and I noticed some things that I certainly don't remember from the 1970s version. I have never read the book so I don't how much of this stuff is actually in it. I should add that this write up is filled with spoilers.

Lets start with a few little things.

Early on in the film a story is told about how Willy Wonka goes to India to build a palace made completely out of Chocolate for an Indian Prince. Well it gets really hot and the palace starts to melt and the first drop of melted chocolate lands directly on the Indians forehead. I think the stereotype implications are clear.

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After the golden ticket contest is announced. We are shown frenzied scenes from all over the globe. The most poignant is a market in Marrakesh Morocco where people are exchanging live animals for chocolate bars. They do use money in Morocco.

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This one isn't race related but in my opinion walking a controversial line. The fourth winner of a golden ticket is Mike Teavee. Now look at this kid he is angry, playing violent video games, yelling at the TV ,wearing camo pants and a shirt with a skull and a bloody bullet hole on it. Out of all the places in the world the chose Denver Colorado to be this kids home. Denver is right next to Columbine where of course the infamous school shootings took place.

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Now we get to the big issues of the whole movie. The Chocolate Factory.
Charlies Grandfather used to work at the chocolate factory before Wonka "closed" it. Did he get a pension? No he sleeps in a bed with 3 other people and lives in a house that has 7 people in it that is dilapidated beyond all belief.

But Wonka didn't really close the factory he just needed to find cheaper labor.
When the "Oompa Loompas" are first spotted in the factory. Wonka says that they are from Oompa land. Mike's Father says "there's no such place I'm a geography teacher". Wonka quickly snaps "then you'll know all about it and what a horrible place it is". Wonka tries to gloss over the fact that he invented the whole "Oompa Loompa" story and has uprooted these people from their homeland (claiming it was for their own good isn't that a common trait of slave drivers.)

Wonka claims that the "Oompas" will do anything for Cocoa beans (its all they want). So he gets them to live in his factory and pays them in cocoa beans. It is mentioned early on by Charlie's grandmother that no one is ever seen leaving the factory which by the way is surrounded by enormous iron gates.

By all indications the so called "Oompa Loompa's" are in fact African Pygmies. The term pygmy (from Greek pygmaios, "fist sized", a kind of dwarf in Greek mythology) can refer to any human or animal of unusually small size. This is evident by their small size and the fact that Wonka says he found them in the thick Jungle.

Additionally it is clear that Wonka doesn't even regard them as real people. After he is done explaining that the "Oompa Loompas" do all the work in the factory he catches the fat kid eating out of the river of chocolate and says "Hey little boy my chocolate must be untouched by human hands". Well we know that the factory workers must handle the chocolate. He's basically saying they aren't human. Also from the film making stand point making all of the "Oompa Loompa's" look exactly the same is in effect an attempt to dehumanize them by basically saying that they don't have individual identities and are nothing more than animals.

This shot of the slave ship is also very telling. It makes me wonder if the term "chocolate factory" refers to what the factory produces or the colour of the workers skin.

One last thing to add. They say that the golden tickets are hidden in countries all over the world yet the five winning kids all happen to be white.

tags: movies,racism, film,

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Labels: movies

The Good: Walk The Line
Last night I saw Walk the line the bio pic about Johnny Cash (and June Carter). The movie was great Phoenix and Witherspoon were completely believable in their roles and disbelief was indeed suspended. I think it undeniable that they will be up for oscars. There's no need for me to go on about it, you've heard the hype.

The Bad: The Postman
After getting home from the theatre I turned on the TV and for some reason I stayed up until 4am and watched Kevin Costner's Trainwreck The Postman. Holy shit this movie was so incredibly pointless, unbelievable and insincere and to make matters worse it was about 9 hours long (give or take 6 hours). I shouldn't have even kept watching it but once you get locked into something for an hour you figure hey how much longer could it be? I might as well see what happens. What the Fuck. Just when I thought the movie couldn't get any worse Tom Petty shows up (PLAYING HIMSELF!!!). This movie is set in the future by the way but that didn't make it suck any less. If the movie Battlefield earth mated with the movie Rollerball** their child would be the Postman (and I think even they would give it up for adoption).

The Ugly: Fire in the sky
I just finished watching this one on TV. I should preface this by saying I saw this movie in the theatre when I was 14 and it was the only movie to ever truly scare the fucking hell out of me. I watched horror movies all through my junior high years and was not scared in the least by any of them. Fire in the sky is the only movie that made me sleep with the light on in my room for a week after watching it. I was terrified of being abducted by aliens. I should however note that while watching that movie in the theater a guy showed up about a half hour late and sat directly in front of me and proceeded to put a little white plastic baggie over his face and huffed glue for the remainder of the film. All I could smell for the rest of the showing was fumes so my feeble 14 year old brain may have been half in the bag thus adding to the intensity of the movie (at this age I had never touched a drug or a drop of alcohol, I believed the health class propaganda and had decided firmly in my mind that I was never going to touch an illicit substance. (that only lasted a little while longer)) So I watched it again tonite and I guess I wont really know the effect until I try to go to sleep, but I don't think its going to be an issue because nowadays I know the sting of the electric bill and there's no way in hell I'm leaving a light on all nite.

** Those of you who are extraordinarily attentive may have noticed that "Battlefield Earth" was written by L. Ron Hubbard the creator of scientology and "Rollerball" stars the box office poison Chris Klein who used to be engaged to Katie Holmes before she was swept away by Scientology poster boy Tom Cruise. This pseudo connection is purely coincidental.

tags:movies, film, entertainment

Labels: movies

One thing I often like to think about after watching a movie is what else has or will happen(ed) to the characters. By watching a movie we accept the reality of the characters being presented to us. By this token I believe that we must also accept that these characters continue to live after the end of the film. In many cases we only see a small slice of their existence or a chapter of their lives but obviously there is a lot more going on than just that.

The Breakfast club was on TV a few days ago and it got me wondering. Did John Bender become a fuck up (more so) in 5 years like the principal had predicted. The Breakfast club is the perfect example of my theory because it shows all the characters for only 1 day of their lives. Since none of the characters die in the film we must assume that they all go on with their lives in a virtually endless amount of possibilities. Virtually endless because we naturally place certain controls on the way the story would progress based on the amount of information given to us in the hour and something on screen (of course all of this applies to the pre story as well. But in that case we do find out information of what has happened and we (rarely) see the future).

This is probably why in 99.9% of the cases a sequel or prequel will never stack up to the original. A part of human nature is to tie up loose ends and have things left in a neat little package so even if it occurs subconsciously we create our own satellite stories to the films we watch (maybe that's what makes a good film good, it engages us and lets us become a part of the process). So when someone comes along and creates a sequel it crushes any and all of what we may or may not have created in the dark regions of our brains. This doesn't apply to trilogies or stories that are meant to span over several films.

You may be thinking I'm crazy and that a movie is just a movie and it begins and ends there but whatever.

tags:movies, films, entertainment

Labels: movies

Part documentary, part narrative fiction, part home movie, and part acid trip. A psychedelic whirlwind of snapshots, Super-8 home movies, old answering machine messages, video diaries, early short films, snippets of '80s pop culture, and dramatic reenactments to create an epic portrait of an American family travesty. The story begins in 2003 when Jonathan learns that his schizophrenic mother, Renee, has overdosed on her lithium medication. He is catapulted back into his real and horrifying family legacy of rape, abandonment, promiscuity, drug addiction, child abuse, and psychosis. As he grows up on camera, he finds the escapist balm of musical theater and B horror flicks and reconnects to life through a queer chosen family. Then a look into the future shows Jonathan as he confronts the symbiotic and almost unbearable love he shares with his beautiful and tragically damaged mother.

The film is both tragic and compelling at the same time. As we see Jonathan grow up we also see his mother deteriorate due to mental illness. In the field of documentaries I think Caoette has brought a fresh vision to the table with the mix of psychedelic elements and pop culture tidbits. Also the soundtrack is great and fits the visual elements perfectly. I recommend this film if for nothing else to get an in depth look at an American family that is not considered A-Typical.

tags: film, documentary, mental illness,

Labels: movies

Afi has released its list of the top 25 film scores of all time and coming in at number 1 is Star Wars. Fuck Yeah. This brings me to something that I've always said and that is. "The Star Wars films wouldn't be half the movies they were without the score and the sound effects". The sound effects created by Ben Burtt they were completely unique and original and really set the tone for the films.

These sounds include but are not limited to

*R2D2
*Lightsabers
*Tie fighters
*Darth Vadar
*Blasters
*Jawas